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Question
Posted by: Diane | 2012/02/17

Daughters boyfriend wants nothing to do with us

My daughters boyfriend will under no circumstances visit us. He will only come to our house to fetch my daughter (21) and drop her off. We have stopped this now and are not allowing any more sleeping over. This has of course started a big family fight. The first thing that comes to mind for me is that abusers always like to take their victims away from their families. He makes her extremely happy when they are together, but when apart they fight like cat and dog. I am finding it difficult to keep out of their relationship when she keeps blaming me for their fighting. Advise please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is indeed suspicvious that he apparently has formed such a dislike for his gf's family, and seeks to avoid all contact with you. But at 21, she is an adult, and adults have the right to be stupid, if they insist. If he doesn't visit you, how can you have anything to do with causing their fights ? Talk it over calmly with her, seeking to understand what is going on, rather than trying to control it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bron | 2012/02/20

I think its very important for the her boyfriend to spend time with your family, after all they might get married and have kids in the future. He needs to know what he is getting in to and you need to who your child is spending time with. I dont care how old a person is, family is very important. in this day and age, you have to stay part of your daughter''s life and he needs to understand this, otherwise you might not have a relatioship with her at all in the future and she ends up not knowing where to turn to if she has trouble. Invite him for lunch, smile and be warm to get to know who your daughter is involved with. I think it is crucial! I would never allow my daughter to date someone we barely know.

Reply to Bron
Posted by: something 2 think about | 2012/02/18

u sound like an over invested interfering parent.she is 21 - no longer a child

Reply to something 2 think about
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/18

It is indeed suspicvious that he apparently has formed such a dislike for his gf's family, and seeks to avoid all contact with you. But at 21, she is an adult, and adults have the right to be stupid, if they insist. If he doesn't visit you, how can you have anything to do with causing their fights ? Talk it over calmly with her, seeking to understand what is going on, rather than trying to control it.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: rosco dash | 2012/02/17

He''s just a bf! why are you so much into your daughters business? 21 she''s grown up just let her leave her life and make her own mistakes.

Reply to rosco dash

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