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Question
Posted by: FC | 2010-09-02

Daughter/Aunt Incestuous Relationship

Good day Doc

I just found out (last night) that my 14 year old daughter and her 25 year old aunt are in a relationship. I''ve suspected that there was romantic interest but since last night, I now suspect that they have been intimate, based on notes (of a sexual nature) I found in my daughter''s room, as well as a suicidal note - on the back of a photo, she''s written ''this goes to my family, so that they can remember me when I''m gone'' - she has threatened suicide before too.
The last psychiatrist I went to only encouraged the relationship between the two (although we all didnt even suspect romantic involvement at that time).
I understand the legalities around laying a charge of sexual abuse/statutory rape but how on earth can I get my daughter proper psychological help, I refuse to go back to the psychiatrist, as I believe that she only enabled this behaviour. I need to get her into TARA or any other such facility but I believe that I need a referral letter, from a psychologist/psychiatrist for this.
My Daughter has also tested positive for dagga and there were traces of amphetamines found - provided by the aunt, as I know that she smokes the stuff.
The aunt has also shopliftted with my daughter - they''ve done this together, based on this, how can I have her placed in a facility that will deal with all these issues holistically?
We are based in JHB South. FAMSA hasnt responded and the social worker is not keen on having her institutionalized, as he believes that ''it will look as though you''re throwing her away''...I''m desperate. The whole family is seriously, negatively affected by all of this and my hubby, 12 year old son and I are taking serious strain!!! Please help!! Kindlyrefer me to an institution who will take her in - we''re nowhere near equipped enough to deal with all of this on our own and the people who can help, isnt doing so.

Thank you so very much!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

THat a psychiatrist was consulted before suggests that there have been ongoing problems with this child ; though I wonder why the psych felt it wise to encourage the relationship with her aunt. But if nobody suspected a romantic relationship at the time, this was presumably advice given without any idea that what has happened, might happen. So it was presumably not actually "enabling" this, except acidentally - and that shrink is probably no more deserving of condemnation than you are.
If indeed there is a lesbian relationship existing with the aunt, this is a serious matter, not because it is lesbian, but because it is predatory for the aunt to become thus involved with an under-age child, and one who she knows well is troubled.
You might well want, anyhow, to get a second opinion from a fresh assessment of the child by another shrink, preferably a child psychiatrist who works with young adolescents. If this can be someone who works at Tara or some similar institution, admission would be easily aranged, IF needed.
If the child needs admission, anywhere, a request / referral letter from a GP should suffice, though she would obviously need to be admitted under the care of some appropriate shrink, who might well want to assess her before deciding about admission.
If the aunt is also sharing drugs with the child, and shoplifting, she is clearly a highly irresponsible person engaging in more than one variety of criminal activity, who should not be allowed any further access with the child - but not for this to be done in a way that might encourage any further dramatic acting-out by the child.
Hospital admission may not be as essential as you seem to think, as the issues may need to work with her in her home and school setting, to enable her to return to more wholesome activities in her real life setting.
The right way round, to do the best for all of you, isn't to start by assumin admission is essential and then working backwards from there, but getting her an independent fresh assessment by a suitably experienced child psychiatrist or child psychologist, and then following their advice.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-02

THat a psychiatrist was consulted before suggests that there have been ongoing problems with this child ; though I wonder why the psych felt it wise to encourage the relationship with her aunt. But if nobody suspected a romantic relationship at the time, this was presumably advice given without any idea that what has happened, might happen. So it was presumably not actually "enabling" this, except acidentally - and that shrink is probably no more deserving of condemnation than you are.
If indeed there is a lesbian relationship existing with the aunt, this is a serious matter, not because it is lesbian, but because it is predatory for the aunt to become thus involved with an under-age child, and one who she knows well is troubled.
You might well want, anyhow, to get a second opinion from a fresh assessment of the child by another shrink, preferably a child psychiatrist who works with young adolescents. If this can be someone who works at Tara or some similar institution, admission would be easily aranged, IF needed.
If the child needs admission, anywhere, a request / referral letter from a GP should suffice, though she would obviously need to be admitted under the care of some appropriate shrink, who might well want to assess her before deciding about admission.
If the aunt is also sharing drugs with the child, and shoplifting, she is clearly a highly irresponsible person engaging in more than one variety of criminal activity, who should not be allowed any further access with the child - but not for this to be done in a way that might encourage any further dramatic acting-out by the child.
Hospital admission may not be as essential as you seem to think, as the issues may need to work with her in her home and school setting, to enable her to return to more wholesome activities in her real life setting.
The right way round, to do the best for all of you, isn't to start by assumin admission is essential and then working backwards from there, but getting her an independent fresh assessment by a suitably experienced child psychiatrist or child psychologist, and then following their advice.

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