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Question
Posted by: Ronelle | 2009/10/22

Daughter tells lies

my daughter tells lies to her friends and teachers at school constantly. cant understand why she feels she needs to lie for attention?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I agree with Maria - at some stage, ALL kids lie, sometimes clumsily, sometimes creatively. If a child is starved for attention, then, yes, even bad attention may be better than none ; but this isn't always the reason. There's a fine line between fantasy, play, story-telling - and lies. One side of the line we usually find entertaining, the other side, annoying.
Have you discussed this with her, and outlined the disadvantages of lying, as well as hearing her thoughts on why she may do it ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2009/10/24

Ronelle your daughter needs professional help. Please take her to a psychologist, preferably one who often works with teenagers. Her school might be able to refer you to someone.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Ronelle | 2009/10/23

hi, i wish it was just about a sandwich or tuck money (not that i agree with that). some of her lies are quite serious like last year after some sex education at school (she is now 13) she told her friends that her dad touches her in places she doesn' t like - after a near heart failure i took her for coffee first to ask if this is true or not, she assured me that it' s not! why she said it.... i' m still not sure, then this year she told her friends that i had cancer and then that she met her half brother (which doesn' t exist) and he is in a coma. her friends mom' s tell me that their daughters come home telling them all these things...... apparently she also cries alot at school. our 5th will be born in April next year and I' m not sure if this has something to do with her behaviour although i can still not understand how as i feel i spend enough time with her..... maybe it' s not quality time, dont know.

Reply to Ronelle
Posted by: lynx | 2009/10/22

this reminds me of a kid at my daughter' s school. She is probably around 8 or 9 yrs old. The first time I met the child she told me that her mum was a famous singer and dancer. It was the day before school break so I enquired who was going on holiday. this little girl told me she was going to New York to stay with Kimora Lee who was her mum' s good friend. Her mum was going to perform at a concert. She lives with her gran in SA. The next time I saw her she told me that she had been to London on holiday with her dad. Her mum &  dad are seperated. I saw her recently and she told me about this big garden at her home and she has silkworms as pets and wanted to give my daughter some.

Before leaving the school I stopped to chat with the aftercare teacher and I mentioned to her that the little girl was going to bring some silkworms for my daughter the next day. The teacher and I started chatting &  I asked the teacher about this girl' s mum as I couldn' t recall her name. The teacher laughed and said that the girl lives in a flat with her mum and her mum isn' t in any way famous and the child has never travelled anywhere. Apparently she constantly makes up lies. The teacher had told the mum that she was very impressed at all the travelling she did and didn' t know she was so famous. The mum had no idea that her daughter had lied about her.

So, maybe it is just fantasy. My daughter is 5 and has lied too. She once took money from my purse for tuck and lied that she found it. She also threw away a sandwich and lied she ate it.

Reply to lynx
Posted by: Maria | 2009/10/22

How old is she? At some stages of development they all do this.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/22

I agree with Maria - at some stage, ALL kids lie, sometimes clumsily, sometimes creatively. If a child is starved for attention, then, yes, even bad attention may be better than none ; but this isn't always the reason. There's a fine line between fantasy, play, story-telling - and lies. One side of the line we usually find entertaining, the other side, annoying.
Have you discussed this with her, and outlined the disadvantages of lying, as well as hearing her thoughts on why she may do it ?

Reply to cybershrink

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