Posted by: Sandy | 2012-11-08

Daughter stealing and a liar pls advice

My Daughter is 12y old and she always have mood swings dont like to smile. She always lie for the smallest things and she always makes up stories things that never happened. Yesterday she stole money from someone at school she admitted to it but said she dont know why she took it. She has a very comfortable life she has everything a child can ask for the other day i went to Spar took her with me and there she stole a chocalate. She promised me it will never happened again but she did it again yesterday. I went to her school today to speak to her principle to ask for advice he gave me a list of nrs for psychologist that can come to the school. Doc i am at my wit ends with my daugher but yesterday she completely broke my heart what can i do as a parent to help her.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is she getting enough pleasing attention from people when she is goodm and when she doesn't lie ? Behaviour such as you describe is often attention-seeking, and even negative and nasty attention is preferred to no attention.
"WHY>" questions are very natural, but actually very hard for anyone to answer, and rarely useful. Seeing a psychologist for an assessment of the child and the situation would be a good idea, and useful. What will probably be needed is a frank discussion between you and her, assisted by the shrink ( who, as recommended by the school, will surely have much experience of this sort of problem in children of this age ) and a planned routine of how you will respond to such behaviours, so as to help her switch back to behaving properly.
Did anything significant change in her life about the time she began noticeably behaving in this way, and stealing, etc. ?
And you can set up a set of rules she must sign up to, of penalties for each lie and each wepisode of stealing, including losing privileges and pleasures she likes, such as TV time, computer time, and game time. Dont take away EVERYTHING for a minor breach of the rules ( simply because then you have nothing else to take away if she does it again !)
Do return to this forum after the session(s) with the psychologist, and tell us what is happening, as your experiences will be useful to other readers

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2012-11-08

As a first step, call one of the psychologists the school have suggested.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Sandy | 2012-11-08

Thank you Jenna i value your opinion by everything i mean she have all the basics i dont spoil her at all. I try to spend alot of time with her weekends i talk with her but still she refuse to tell me anything when i try and talk with her she change her mood the same time . When i punish her i take all her luxuries away for a week and no tv and no pocket money. She have enough friends at school and one close friend that always comes to our house for sleep overs,
I am trying my best to find out what the problem is with her sometimes when she does something wrong i find out later that she is making fun of it all. I got help from the school today her first consultation will be on monday with the psychologist maybe they will be able to get to the root of the problem.

Reply to Sandy
Posted by: Jenna | 2012-11-08

Are you punishing her when she steals? You say she has everything a girl could ask for... are you sure you aren''t spoiling her to the point where she seems entitled?

Have you sat down with her and explained the implications of what she is doing? Being 12 she may not think that she could get into trouble for stealing. Have you had a heart to heart to find out WHY? She doesn''t know isn''t a good answer at all, she knows why she''s doing it, she just doesn''t want to tell you.

Does she have problems at school? Enough friends/ one close friend? Is she maybe looking for attention, do you spend enough time with her?

Please don''t get me wrong, I am not judging or implying anything, but children are sometimes odd and sometimes think differently. They may have the " perfect"  life but they could be unhappy about a very strange thing and they could be expressing themselves differently, i.e. stealing and lying.

Reply to Jenna

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