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Question
Posted by: A mother | 2010-06-05

daughter on heroine

Hi, My 22 yr old daughter has been using heroine for approx one year. She''s been in an abusive marriage (mentally, emotionally and physically) and I reckon that must''ve been her reason for using it. She had a very good upbringing. Her husband has left her and took the two kids with him. He took all furniture, left her with absolutely nothing.

We have been trying for about a month to get her into rehab. Sorry, we are total novices with these things. We do not have the funds. We r hoping to hear by Monday. She''s been using Subutex and Dizepam in the meanwhile. Is this good?

What are her chances of recovery? She''s been smoking it, using foil. What happens after rehab? Thanks.

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Our expert says:
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Greetings

Firstly, your daughter did not become addicted because she was in an abusive marriage, it's simply because she's an addict.

Addicts and alcoholics will think of any excuse possible to rationalise their using. In addition, why are you writing in about your daughter?

I don't mean this in a nasty way, but why isn't she writing in? You see, I mesntion this because this often happens.

The mothers try and do their children's recovery for them. If your daughter is so really worried about her addiction, SHE should be writing in, not you.

The problem with most addicts is that they really aren't interested in stopping and they'll manipulate everybody around them to do the hard work.

I'm not saying that this is the case with your daughter, I'm simply talking from experience. Please don't do your daughter's recovery for her, let her do it herself.

She knew how to get hold of the drugs, the foil and how to smoke the drugs. Surely she knows how to write a letter to ask the questions you have asked?

If she lets me know where she is, as in which city, I might be able to direct her to a state sponsored rehab. Please don't do this for her, she must do this herself.

What happens after rehab? I think you should join Naranon ASAP, an organisation for family and friends of addicts.

What will happen to your daughter? Well, that I can tell her when she takes the trouble to ask me herself.

Kind regards
herman@harmonyclinic.co.za


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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Toilet paper | 2010-07-13

Narcanon is Scientology - Remember that people

Reply to Toilet paper
Posted by: Linus | 2010-06-23

This sounds hard from Herman but he is absolutely right - why waste time on people other than the addict? But I understand where the mom is coming from and her desperation - tough love? yes it is tough...

Reply to Linus
Posted by: Herman | 2010-06-14

To Anon

It''s not an unfriendly response, it''s simply cutting to the chase. One can -|- foot around these issues for a long time or just get to the point.

Once again, this forum is not about saving feelings, it''s a small attempt at saving people from the horrors of addiction.

The " hurt"  that people might suffer from a straightforward answer is far less, believe me, that the hurt from the hell of addiction.

If you work with addicts and their families every day, it is clear that the honest approach works much better.

Thus...unfriendly, no. Tough love...yes.

Reply to Herman
Posted by: Anon | 2010-06-10

Wow, what an unfriendly response you gave this poor woman.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Addictions Expert Forum | 2010-06-07

Greetings

Firstly, your daughter did not become addicted because she was in an abusive marriage, it's simply because she's an addict.

Addicts and alcoholics will think of any excuse possible to rationalise their using. In addition, why are you writing in about your daughter?

I don't mean this in a nasty way, but why isn't she writing in? You see, I mesntion this because this often happens.

The mothers try and do their children's recovery for them. If your daughter is so really worried about her addiction, SHE should be writing in, not you.

The problem with most addicts is that they really aren't interested in stopping and they'll manipulate everybody around them to do the hard work.

I'm not saying that this is the case with your daughter, I'm simply talking from experience. Please don't do your daughter's recovery for her, let her do it herself.

She knew how to get hold of the drugs, the foil and how to smoke the drugs. Surely she knows how to write a letter to ask the questions you have asked?

If she lets me know where she is, as in which city, I might be able to direct her to a state sponsored rehab. Please don't do this for her, she must do this herself.

What happens after rehab? I think you should join Naranon ASAP, an organisation for family and friends of addicts.

What will happen to your daughter? Well, that I can tell her when she takes the trouble to ask me herself.

Kind regards
herman@harmonyclinic.co.za


Reply to Addictions Expert Forum

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