Posted by: anon | 2009-03-11

daughter... need advice

my daughter aged 26 recently had a breakdown of sorts. I think life just got to her - break up with a serious boyfriend, finances, job pressure etc etc My husband and I brought her home to stay with us for the time being and she is having counselling and things are looking good. My question is: now that she has been relieved of the stressful factors in her life how do you know when it is time to get " back to normal"  so to speak. We are not sure how to handle the situation - she wants to say how she feels about things all the time but we cant answer back, she is enjoying life at the moment with no responsibilities (with our support) so to speak and this is on the counsellors advice. Its hard in the sidelines though, you feel as if you are been taken advantage of - how does one support a person that has been through this and also seems to have depression as an result

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Our expert says:
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Sometimes, like the proverbial last straw and the camel's back, it's not one specific stress, but a combination of them, that just exceeds our ability to cope. The counsellor should be able to help her decide when it is time to get back to normal life, and counselling ought to include not only some degree of repair work on current problems, but also include some self-defense and protective lessons in how to avoid this recurring.
The situhation sounds somwhat artificial --- if she is encouraged to say how she feels, that shoul NOT be at the expense of others not being allowed to comment --- that's no way to prepare her for resuming life in the real world. Similarly, a prolonged period with no responsibilities can encourage invalidism rather than resumption of normal adult responsibilities. I would have some doubts about the skills of the counsellor involved, who sounds rather as though he/she is tryin to maintain the status quo rather than helping her resume adult life

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