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Question
Posted by: Lonely | 2010/05/10

Daughter interrogating my private life

I got divorced a while ago and has recently got into a relationship. I have 2 daughters 8 and 3 years old.I have neva informed her that we have divorced and now she becomes jeaoulous of any men i socialise with. She reads my smses and cry whenevr she sees any sms from my boyfriend.She checks my handbag and once she saw packet of condoms and cried.I cannot understand what is going on with her, I had to lie and explain to her that as a medical professional i have to have condoms for my patients. She indicated that she neva wants to see those in our household. Cud she know anything about sex , was scared to interogate her further to find out what she knows about condoms. She checks my cupboard and once saw a shirt hanged which was left by my boyfriend, she called me and asked me who it was for and told her its my brothers, she was already in tears. How do i balance this , I love this man and have tried by all means to be discreet.Dont want to lose any of them (my daughter and boyfriend) I cant even let him sleep ova my place, I am scared of my daughter. What can I do ? I need to love and feel loved but I love my daughters to bits..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe the child is thinking that she's lost her dad, and that these men might take away her mom - she may not feel secure that you still love her ( people often don't realize thast love is the only thing you can give to others and never run out of it yourself, so they feel if you love asnyone else it somehow MUST mean less love for them )
But no child should have access to your cell-phone to read your SMS - whether or not you have anything to hide, that's just not appropriate behaviour for a child.
If she doesn't know a fair bi abou sex and condoms - why would she be in the least distressed by finding any in your bag ( which she should of course not have been going through ).
Parents often forget that you never have a monopoly on what your kids know about anything, including sex, death, and relationships - they will figure i out and hear from others, often inaccurately, so its important to chat with them quite often about such topics, as much to check what they've discovered, and correcting their errors or misinformation.
So one would wonder how she knows about condoms. POSSIBLY at school, but it'd be important to check.
Your daughter is entitled to be concerned about losing you and your love, and you need to discuss this frankly with her, finding out what she knows, suspects and worries about, so you can know what to re-assure her about.
Is there any good reason why you should not tell her / your daughters about the relationship ? Hiding it probably makes it feel dirty and sinister to her

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: ADHDude | 2010/05/11

First of all it is not your daughters fault at all. Divorce ruins childrens live. Shame on you if you instigated the divorce. Divorce is a sin. You have no idea what you have done BITCH!!!!

Reply to ADHDude
Posted by: anon | 2010/05/11

who is the mother in your relationship? your daughter needs to hear the truth and needs some serious disciplining from you. she has no clue about boundries and respect...its your fault and you have made her into what she is now

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/10

Maybe the child is thinking that she's lost her dad, and that these men might take away her mom - she may not feel secure that you still love her ( people often don't realize thast love is the only thing you can give to others and never run out of it yourself, so they feel if you love asnyone else it somehow MUST mean less love for them )
But no child should have access to your cell-phone to read your SMS - whether or not you have anything to hide, that's just not appropriate behaviour for a child.
If she doesn't know a fair bi abou sex and condoms - why would she be in the least distressed by finding any in your bag ( which she should of course not have been going through ).
Parents often forget that you never have a monopoly on what your kids know about anything, including sex, death, and relationships - they will figure i out and hear from others, often inaccurately, so its important to chat with them quite often about such topics, as much to check what they've discovered, and correcting their errors or misinformation.
So one would wonder how she knows about condoms. POSSIBLY at school, but it'd be important to check.
Your daughter is entitled to be concerned about losing you and your love, and you need to discuss this frankly with her, finding out what she knows, suspects and worries about, so you can know what to re-assure her about.
Is there any good reason why you should not tell her / your daughters about the relationship ? Hiding it probably makes it feel dirty and sinister to her

Reply to cybershrink

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