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Question
Posted by: Johan | 2012/08/04

Daughter and moods

Hi

Since my daughter turned 14 she changed completely. Always negative, says she is going to kill herself, threaten us with a knife when she does not get her ways. The language that she uses is horrible. Tried to walk away from from home twice, her friends are all older than her, luckily we always fiend her at friends. Then just as suddenly as all the anger starts she turns completely around to the way she was before. Please what must we do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Becoming an adolescent can be a horrible phase of life. And some children seem to start behaving especially badly, at such times. In milder siuations, this is just an annoying but normal part of growing up ; but in some children it becomes more severe and with real risks involved.
For various reasons the kids start experiencing deep and confusing emotions which they themselves don't understand, and at the same time find i more difficult to discuss these with adults who could actually help them.
Often, at the core when such problems start to become as troubling as thoose you describe, are some rather basic problems of discipline, which are easier to work on earlier in life, but which can be usefully dealt with at this stage, too. Such things as having a fair and clear, unambiguous code of conduct with clear and predictable consequences for good and for bad behaviour, with complete agreement between the parents, and to discourage bad behaviours, not using corporal / physical punishment ( which doesn't help ) but a range of consequences, usually worked out with the child, that involve removing privileges and facilities they enjoy, for a set period, depending on the seriousness of their errors.
When the situation has, as you describe, begun to get significantly out of control, it's worth, if possible, consulting a child psychiatrist or child psychologist for an assessment of the child, and to help the child and parents draw up such a set of plans to live by, to defuse the situation and bring about peace and a chance for the child to more smoothly grow into a happier and more productive adult

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/04

Becoming an adolescent can be a horrible phase of life. And some children seem to start behaving especially badly, at such times. In milder siuations, this is just an annoying but normal part of growing up ; but in some children it becomes more severe and with real risks involved.
For various reasons the kids start experiencing deep and confusing emotions which they themselves don't understand, and at the same time find i more difficult to discuss these with adults who could actually help them.
Often, at the core when such problems start to become as troubling as thoose you describe, are some rather basic problems of discipline, which are easier to work on earlier in life, but which can be usefully dealt with at this stage, too. Such things as having a fair and clear, unambiguous code of conduct with clear and predictable consequences for good and for bad behaviour, with complete agreement between the parents, and to discourage bad behaviours, not using corporal / physical punishment ( which doesn't help ) but a range of consequences, usually worked out with the child, that involve removing privileges and facilities they enjoy, for a set period, depending on the seriousness of their errors.
When the situation has, as you describe, begun to get significantly out of control, it's worth, if possible, consulting a child psychiatrist or child psychologist for an assessment of the child, and to help the child and parents draw up such a set of plans to live by, to defuse the situation and bring about peace and a chance for the child to more smoothly grow into a happier and more productive adult

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