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Question
Posted by: Kel | 2010/05/06

DAUGHTER AND ACCESS - MANIPULATION TACTICS

My daughter''s father and I are divorced and have been seperated since my daughter was born. My daughter turned 3 years last month. The next phase of the access has kicked in and she goes to her father every second Saturday and Sunday just for the day (no sleep overs) this was effective from this last weekend. My daughter has weed in her pants twice this week, she has been out of nappies for a year already and hasn''t had any accidents for over 8 months. He sees her for an hour every Mon and Thur every week.

Should I be concerned, will she adapt or should I look at going back to one day every second weekend until she is a bit bigger?

I would only let her dad, pick her up from school when she would ask. She only wants him to pick her up every now and then, her dad and his parents are telling her that it is good that other people pick her up, and he tells her that she must tell me that she want him to pick her up. I think that he is manipulating her and she is now confused. How do I handle this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Her reacion is not unusual in a child adapting to changed circumstances, but needs watching. Presumably you will have discussed these changes with her - how does she feel about it ? How does she report on how her visits with dad went ?
It does sound as though the arrangements about picking her up are unsatisfactory and confusing for her, and it is inappropriate to expect a child of 3 to understand variations in who will fetch her. This will need to be discussed with her - and with your ex.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2010/05/06

From personal experience,a child likes and needs stability and routine (even 3 year olds).
She will be somewhat nervous for a while but when it becomes more routine she should adapt and look forward to her visits with Dad.
One must NEVER use a child to manipulate to get your way-unfortunately this does happen.
In need you should go with your ex to counsellor to help you through this initial phase.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/06

Her reacion is not unusual in a child adapting to changed circumstances, but needs watching. Presumably you will have discussed these changes with her - how does she feel about it ? How does she report on how her visits with dad went ?
It does sound as though the arrangements about picking her up are unsatisfactory and confusing for her, and it is inappropriate to expect a child of 3 to understand variations in who will fetch her. This will need to be discussed with her - and with your ex.

Reply to cybershrink

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