Our expert says:
She sounds like a normally horrible teenager, multiplied a few times, and highly manipulative. Maybe she resents the attention that your special needs child so deservedly and properly gets, and maybe resents her stepdad, amongst other reasons, for also taking more of your attention than she herself wants.
And behaving as badly as she does forces more attention from everyone. Interest in witchcraft, in my experience, is usually a brilliant tactic by which a teen becomes threatening and worrying to everyone, without much effort.
DO NOT consider leaving the man you love and hurting your son with whom he has such a good relationship, to go with this naughty girl.
If it seems worth trying to have her stay with her dad, or your mom and stepdad, why not try it ? Apparently they are prepared to put up with her and try to help. There'd be no need for you to follow her, and that might simply transfer the same conflict to a different house, as well as encouraging her to continue to manipulate, as she could consider this a great victory to have forced you to leave your partner.
If the rehab programme she is in is any good ( sadly, many are not ) you should be able to see the shrink and others ( maybe counsellors, social workers, whoever ) who have been dealing with her, and they should be able to give you some useful insight into how she's thinking at present, and advice on how to manage her, and how to help her stay drug-free. Indeed, if they're any good, they should WANT to meet with you and discuss these things.
You have a relationship with this girl, and you are NOT a bad mom, though she has skillfully managed to make you feel like one. You should not have to choose between her demands and your own happiness and that of your son. Protect your son and other kids from her bad influence, until she can again get her act together and behave sensibly.
From your later response, maybe she also wants to punish you for bringing her to an ordinary local school rather than the posh one where she may have felt superior ? Obviously though it may have been an expensive school, it was not at all a good one, that enabled such destructive kids to influence each other so badly.
Take the advice of your therapist and family, and try that alternative, while healing your present home setting which she has so deliberately damaged. Make sure that they understand that their rules, if possible not very different from yours, must also be clearly stated from the start and the consequences for pbreaking rules and behaving badly, as also defined and implemented.
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