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Question
Posted by: Anony | 2012-01-10

Daughter..

My 25 yr old daughter is staying in one of the citys. She came home during the festive period with a brand new car bought by her boyfriend as a gift ( according to her explanation). She wanted my comment as she was afraid of me. I had mixed feelings about it and didn''t know exactly what to say to her.

How can a parent best handle this situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Excellent comments all round. Why is she afraid of you ? YOu apparently don't know what is going on in her life, so cannot assume there is any "situation" to be dealt with, or whether its any nusiness of yours to deal with it, if there is a "situation". Talk calmly with her, out of real interest in how her life is going, and try to understand what is happening. If it appears she needs and wants your advice, offer it, but leave it up to her to decide if she wants it. She's old enough to be allowed to be foolish if she insists

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-01-11

I read your message again. Perhaps you should just ask your daughter if there is anything about her relationship with her boyfriend that concerns HER. Perhaps she wants to discuss this with you but she is scared that you will judge her.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012-01-11

Your daughter is 25. Unless you think she is involved in something illegal or you have good reason to believe that the boyfriend is abusing her in some way, you don''t have the right to say anything. Why don''t you encourage her to bring him home so that you can meet him, because you love her and want to be involved in her life?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Liza | 2012-01-11

Don''t try and ''handle'' the situation at all. All you need to do is accept it and move on. Does your daughter have such a history of making bad decisions that you have a reason to be worried? Unless there are other clear signs that something is not right, be happy for her.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Nicky | 2012-01-11

I agree with Romany. I have been married for 13 years and my husband has never bought me a car. All women need someone like that in their lives.

Reply to Nicky
Posted by: Romany | 2012-01-11

She is a grown up 25 year old woman. Good for her for finding a man that can afford to spoil her.
All women deserve that.
You should be proud.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-01-11

Excellent comments all round. Why is she afraid of you ? YOu apparently don't know what is going on in her life, so cannot assume there is any "situation" to be dealt with, or whether its any nusiness of yours to deal with it, if there is a "situation". Talk calmly with her, out of real interest in how her life is going, and try to understand what is happening. If it appears she needs and wants your advice, offer it, but leave it up to her to decide if she wants it. She's old enough to be allowed to be foolish if she insists

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-01-10

Why is she afraid of you? This fear is a huge obstacle to open communication between you and needs to be addressed urgently.

Maybe she has a rich boyfriend.
Maybe she has a highly paid job.
Maybe she is doing drugs or porn

Unless you sort out your relationship to enable you to talk with therapy you are unlikely to get 2 the truth.

Reply to Obvious

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