Posted by: AC | 2009-01-15


I recently found out that my daughter (18 yrs) was meeting my sister and mum behind my back.
My sister and I has a fall out when she accused me of a whole lot of things. She even went to the extent of telling my sister-in-law things Ive complained about them. She is currently on good terms with these sister in laws while they dont talk to me. Yes I did say things that were the truth about them
My daughter used to make me leave at the mall and they used to pick her up. I had to then fetch her when she is ready. Mall about 20kms. My daughter and I dont speak anymore after I found out.
I felt heard and betrayed cos my daughter was aware of all the nasty things that were said to me. Also my sister and mum stopped visiting or contacting us for almost two years.
Was I wrong to be hurt and upset. If I knew the truth my daughter knows that I would never stop her from seeing them
Now my sister holds meeting with my daughter and daughters boyfriend. Carrys on like I dontmatter. Comes to my house when I am at work. Leaves her kids at my house without asking me?
My husband has been quiete all this time. Do I just accept all this becos of my kids. How do I approach these issues?

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Our expert says:
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Come on readers ! REspond to these messages from someone hurting, but where the problem isn't really a psychiatric one. Where are you all ?
Sometimes one crrates situations in which one will feel betrayed, and which are avoidable. Whatever happened between you and your sister and mom is between you --- you feel you have good reason not to want to communicate with them. But it is not fare to expect your daughter, who has apparently not had such problems with them, to also avoid them --- nor to insist that it is "betrayal" when she does so. YOu weren't "wrong" to feel hurt, but you didn't and don'thave to feel hurt about this. Now, if the sister who isn't talking to you but may be saying unpleasant things about you, is visiting your house, is unacceptable --- it's your house, not hers or your daughter's, and she should not have visitors there who you would notm welcome.
Can you firstly, discuss this calmly with your daughter and husband ? Then even think of ending the unnecessary feud with your sister and mom ?

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