advertisement
Question
Posted by: Millie | 2010/09/21

Daugher driving me nuts

Got divorced about a year ago and my 9 year daughter has been acting strangely . I was approached by her class teacher who informed me that she seems to be absent minded at school as if she is her own world . She said she is more concerned about her emotional well being rather than academically. I decided to send her to a therapist . While just started with therapy after one session , I got a letter from a school social worker who felt that we could benefit from the social work services of the school . I felt so ashamed of myself , I felt they probably think I am a failure of a parent . I have done something and sent her for sessions . Now the master piece is that I saw on her " homework"  book , 3 full pages at the back she wrote I HATE MY MOM in capital letters and she says daddy and mommy are enemies , I want to leave with my daddy , and then lots of I HATE MY MOMS yo fill the entire page. Never in my life did I feel so hurt after all th energy and my determination to focus on them and make them well rounded individuals . She leaves little notes all over the place in our house with the I HATE MY MOM etc . I was also diagnosed with depression and been on anti depression and this thing with her further makes me morre depressed,I sometimes feel like taking her to go and stay with her dad. She shouts at me when there are visitors and makes me feel an incompetent parents, she was never like this ever. I am even ashameed to bring people along in case she causes a scene ! I am at my wits end ,dont know what else to do

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Unless they are idiots, which is really unlikely, I don't see why the school would think of you as a failure as a parent - these sort of problems commonly arise in this and similar situations, with all types of parents, excellent and maybe not so excellent.
OK, now, all those Mom Hate messages in her book must have been very upsetting for you, and if seen by the school, might lead to them worrying about the kid, though not about you.
She is not entitled to belittle you or make a fool of you in front of others, whether visitors or teachers. She may be thinking that if she is unpleasant enough, you will send her to stay with her dad. And her reasons for wanting that may not actually be about anything bad about you - if you are being a good parent, she may want to evade your attempts at normal discipline, and may think dad would be more indulgent.
But these are all issues you should discuss in person with the therapist seeing her, so as to help you fully understand what is going on and how best to handle it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Ruby | 2010/09/23

Maybe she is struggling to cope with the divorce and is trying to get attention - or its a cry for help - by writing that stuff where she knows you will find it. I htink a child psych is avery good idea. It almost sounds like maybe she blames you for the divorce (''sending daddy away'') although I''m sure that isn''t the case. Kids sometimes just don''t understand the dynamics of relationships &  why things happen this way.

I''m sure she doesn''t mean it, although I can imagine it is very hurtful for you to read this. Is it possible for you to sit &  talk with her &  your ex - are you on good terms - and explain that in your household, and in daddy''s - saying hurtful things is not acceptable and that it made you very sad. REassure her that no matter what you both still love her very much and that it isn''t her fault or anyone''s fault that you &  her dad are getting divorced. Hopefully your ex could back you up with this. But I''d still say counselling will be a good idea,

And I sincerely doubt that the school thinks you are afailure as a mother! Your daughter is just goign through a tough time and needs a little extra help from an expert in the field/.

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: Girly | 2010/09/21

Wow, sounds like she needs to be disciplined.
I think that although she does have her issues with the divorce you are allowing her to get away with disrespecting you.
You should not allow this as she will carry on and it will get worse if you dont put a stop to it.
She needs help with the emotions she is feeling right now but that does not entitle her to get away with making you feel like sh*t

Reply to Girly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/21

Unless they are idiots, which is really unlikely, I don't see why the school would think of you as a failure as a parent - these sort of problems commonly arise in this and similar situations, with all types of parents, excellent and maybe not so excellent.
OK, now, all those Mom Hate messages in her book must have been very upsetting for you, and if seen by the school, might lead to them worrying about the kid, though not about you.
She is not entitled to belittle you or make a fool of you in front of others, whether visitors or teachers. She may be thinking that if she is unpleasant enough, you will send her to stay with her dad. And her reasons for wanting that may not actually be about anything bad about you - if you are being a good parent, she may want to evade your attempts at normal discipline, and may think dad would be more indulgent.
But these are all issues you should discuss in person with the therapist seeing her, so as to help you fully understand what is going on and how best to handle it.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement