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Question
Posted by: Dimpy | 2011/05/05

Dating Anxiety

This is a long story but one that needs to be told for your good advice.
I met a guy on a dating website late last year. we met for the first time and he seemed nice and wanted to meet again -which we did a few days later. The chemistry between us was great and well we gave in to it. He said that we would see each other and see where things go... but never called or smsed after that night until 4 days later. At this stage I assumed what most women would and told him to " Get Lost" . He still occasionally smsed me and i did not respond. He did this several times until one day when he asked if we could chat and i responded with a " WHY"  and gave him a chance to chat. After discussing our reservations he explained that he felt things were moving too quickly but got himself together and wanted to still see me but i at that stage already assumed he had found someone else or was just looking for a good time. HE asked if I had moved on and I didnot... He asked if we could try again. I reluctantly agreed. When we did meet well unexpectedly we were intimate again and well twice again thereafter. The chemistry is so intense. But what is this? a relationship or still just seeing what this leads to???
I feel anxious because i dont know how to read him. He isnt consistent with messaging or calling. In fact we can go a day without chatting and most of the time I initiate the chat. it seems to me that it is his personality but i could be wrong.... its still early days yet but i cannot help but wonder. When we intimate he says he missed me and that he is all mine but could this just be empty words. I dont want to get hurt... been there with a previous marriage. Not a nice place. What do i do? i need to know where i stand.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though neither of you, either at first nor later, actually spent long enough getting to know each other, and to understand each other's expectations, before making decisions about what might be happening.
Some relationships purely based on chatting do fine, so long as they stick to chatting. Meybe mixing digital and realtime meeting is confusing the picture.
Don't you need to spend more time together (RT) talking more intimately rather than acting physically intimately, so as to understand each other better ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: ????? | 2011/05/05

He is just using you ... if you reject him he wil just move on to next victim.

Reply to ?????
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/05

He is using you for sex. Men trawl the net looking for women such as yourself who are desperate for love and know how to play them.
It will continue like this with you being a booty call until u end it. When you do this he will quickly move on to the next one.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Ph | 2011/05/05

Been there, done that. Sorry to say this to you, but most dating sites and even just social sites are full of preys. He is one of those. I promise you that you are not the only one he is intimate with at this moment. The elders are right when they say " take your time to know him" . You should remember that yours is an unconventional relations becasue you have no idea who he is, and maybe you do not even know that the guy has a middle name yet, but you are already intimate with him. Please take care of yourself lady

Reply to Ph
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/05

It sounds as though neither of you, either at first nor later, actually spent long enough getting to know each other, and to understand each other's expectations, before making decisions about what might be happening.
Some relationships purely based on chatting do fine, so long as they stick to chatting. Meybe mixing digital and realtime meeting is confusing the picture.
Don't you need to spend more time together (RT) talking more intimately rather than acting physically intimately, so as to understand each other better ?

Reply to cybershrink

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