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Question
Posted by: emma | 2011/07/11

dating a divorcee

hi doc
i am in a relationship with a divorcee with kids, problem is he is constantly texting her and she phones him to see if the kids are ok on his weekends with him and when i confront him he tells me he is trying to keep the peace , i know i hav no right to say anything but i feel its a new relationship he should be focusing on me, she now tells him i am not allowed to come near the kids and she now wants to claim more maintenance becoz he know has a girlfriend, we fight constantly about his x wife and i really love him and i jsut dont know what to do ........i feel i cant trust him because even we apart im wondering are they chatting etc

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like they don't trust each other, and are not at all "over" their personal relationship. Why on earth should there be any realistic reason for her to worry about whether the kids are OK during their weekends with him ? Does he routinely take them white-water rafting, or take them along to his work as a lion-tamer ?
If you two are supposedly in a real relationship, you DO have a right to comment, and to be concerned about suh maladaptive bhaviours, and indeed to question whether he is sufficiently ecovered from his previous relationship to be fit to have any other relationship with anyone else.
If they are divorced, then it is none of her business whether he forms any new relationship, and she is NOT entitled to refuse to allow the children to have contact with you. And she is NOT in any way whatever, entitled to claim any more maintenance because of his relationship with you. Relationship should, raher, be decided by a more objective court, based on their relative earnings and the actual financial needs of the children, not on her bitterness and spite.
Mabe you feel love or affection for him, but he sounds WAY too involved emotionally and otherwise, with his "ex" to be free to love anyone else.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/11

Sounds like they don't trust each other, and are not at all "over" their personal relationship. Why on earth should there be any realistic reason for her to worry about whether the kids are OK during their weekends with him ? Does he routinely take them white-water rafting, or take them along to his work as a lion-tamer ?
If you two are supposedly in a real relationship, you DO have a right to comment, and to be concerned about suh maladaptive bhaviours, and indeed to question whether he is sufficiently ecovered from his previous relationship to be fit to have any other relationship with anyone else.
If they are divorced, then it is none of her business whether he forms any new relationship, and she is NOT entitled to refuse to allow the children to have contact with you. And she is NOT in any way whatever, entitled to claim any more maintenance because of his relationship with you. Relationship should, raher, be decided by a more objective court, based on their relative earnings and the actual financial needs of the children, not on her bitterness and spite.
Mabe you feel love or affection for him, but he sounds WAY too involved emotionally and otherwise, with his "ex" to be free to love anyone else.

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