Our expert says:
Maybe this is a useful reminder that any relationship with someone who has children, has to be a relationship with those children, too, as they are a integral part of that person.
The more significant issue here may be this statement that you "can't be around when he has them" - why not ? If his ex-wife insists on this, then she is being inappropriate and unfair. Whether or not they meet other friends of his is none of her business and should not risk the time he spends with them. This is far more than a issue of your possible insecurity. You need to discuss this calmly but directly with him - you can't have a proper relationship with him without meeting and spending time with his kids. If he for some odd reason excludes you from that part of his life, then this limits all possibilities of a satisfying and lovin relationship between you two
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