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Question
Posted by: gg | 2008/06/11

Darling daughter

I really don't know what to think or do anymore. My daughter finished her varsity sudies at the end of 2006. Since then she has not been able to settle in a job or in one place. First she went overseas for 4 months, then had a job in Jhb also lived there for 9 months. She did not like it there, so she moved back to Pta. (where she studied). She has now been out of a job for 6 months. Now she wants to move back to Jhb because it is easier to find a job there. She has been living off her trust fund, which is now spent. She is almost 25, will she ever settle? At this rate she is going to make me have a nervous breakdown soon!!!! I don't know how to help her anymore and I am so tired of all of this, yet she is my daughter - I feel so helpless.

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Our expert says:
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How wasteful ! Doesn't she need some serious vocational guidance, with perhaps psychological testing of her skills and interests, so as to seriously choose a path in life, rather than wandering around aimlessly ? This is also an illustration of whty trust funds can be damaging, as they can encourage someone to waste money and time, without feeling a real NEED to find work and genuine aims in life. JOhn is ABSOLUTELY right. Talk calmly with her and make it clear that you will not continue tom provide a safety net that enables her to continue wandering. And read up on the skill of TOugh Love

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Our users say:
Posted by: John | 2008/06/11

If there has always been a safety net for her - either through the trust fund or your help and support - so she could afford to give up and quit whenever she encountered a little bump as there was a safety net. Now that the trust fund is about run dry, make sure you do not step into its place. Explain to your daughter that there are consequences for quitting. Commitment and steadfastness are an absolute necessity as part of the life skills one needs to have in one's repertoire and the sooner she learns this, the better. As you said, you don't know how to help her any more so maybe its time to stop?

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