Our expert says:
I'm pleased to hear that you reject suicide as a response to such bad days. I'm wondering what pills you have. If you are receiving treatment for Depression, it doesn't sound as though it is working well ; if not, then maybe you should consider seeing a psychiatrist for a proper assessment and a discussion of treatment options. And I doubt that you should be managerd purely by pills, rather than by therapy / counselling of the CBT form, which can miore usefully focus on these negative thought habits, and better ways of preventing and handling the bad days
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