Posted by: Derrick | 2012-01-26

Damned if I do, damned if I don''t

After living with my European girlfriend and 7-year old son both in SA and Europe on an alternate basis for 3 years at a time, completely exhausting our financial reserves, this ridiculous and repetitive cycle is now finally coming to an end with her recalled by her work in Europe and me settled in work in SA. I tried living in Europe before but became extremely depressed, despite being with them. My girlfriend likewise prefers Europe plus her work is her only security as civil servant. She was not able to find work in SA.

We are not ready to marry yet as there are still some issues between us, but we love our child dearly. I have spent my last reserves trying to make her happy in SA. Last time I was without them for an extended time I nearly died from depression as well, especially from not being with my son.

So she needs to live there and I need to live here, we love each other to a fuzzy extent but our child is dear to us. I won''t survive in Europe, she won''t survive here, and I won''t survive on my own.

Neither she or me have money for flying to visit the other more than once yearly.

I have learnt the hard way that relationships with people from faraway countries are not worth the effort and pain, especially if the one person is not able to live in the other''s country.

Any suggestions please how I can learn to cope with the emptiness and absence this time around.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds as though you were fond of each other, but never seriously thought through the issues of cultures, preferences for weather, job prospects, etc, before deciding to live togaher and raise a child. I understand your dilemma and that oe of the alernaives seems anywhere near ideal, but each alternative IS survivable.
Apart from keeping contact via skype, inernet, etc, I can't think of a solution except very carefully thinking through the alternatives and not ruling any out too hastily
Lets see if other readers can have btter suggestions

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Our users say:
Posted by: Caro | 2012-01-26

I suggest you go for family counseling together and decide what is best for all of you. You may not be married but you are a family. I get that you and her have issues but have either of you considered what this is doing to the child? Please take his feelings into considerationa and whatever the adults decide, enusre that he is kept informed tnd that " things dont just happen to him" .

Reply to Caro

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