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Question
Posted by: Confussed | 2011/01/20

Dad having an affair

I''m not sure how i should be feeling about my dad having an affair. It might seem simple, that this is wrong and musnt be condoned, but to me its actually a little bit complicated. My mom was not the best example of a parent while i was growing up and made everyone in our household very unhappy, and it is very hard to explain her behaviour to her as she doesnt seem to understand. So now that my dad is looking happier i am wondering if this is such a bad thing. I know he should tell my mother and let things be settled, but she is highly dependant on him and cannot hold a normal job, so that makes it difficult. I wouldnt say that i am torn, as my dad has always had my 100% support, i guess its just the burden on the knowledge that is worrying me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't mention your age or his, and whether your mom is alive or dead, still married to him, or divorced. If you call it an affair, I'm guessing she's alive and they're married.
You seem to be saying that your mother, maybe not deliberately, tended to make your dad and others unhappy, so maybe he deserves a little happiness in a non-painful relationship, and maybe he's sticking with her because she is so very dependent on him and too prickly and maybe not of an age to be likely to find anyone else to care for her. You seem tempted, understandably, to accept the relationship as it is.
YOu seem to be assuming that your mother doesn't know anything about this, which may or may not be true. Maybe you could, if this really troubles you, talk it over calmly and privately with your dad ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/20

Absolutely. A child should not have to carry such a burden.
Speak to your father about this.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

You don't mention your age or his, and whether your mom is alive or dead, still married to him, or divorced. If you call it an affair, I'm guessing she's alive and they're married.
You seem to be saying that your mother, maybe not deliberately, tended to make your dad and others unhappy, so maybe he deserves a little happiness in a non-painful relationship, and maybe he's sticking with her because she is so very dependent on him and too prickly and maybe not of an age to be likely to find anyone else to care for her. You seem tempted, understandably, to accept the relationship as it is.
YOu seem to be assuming that your mother doesn't know anything about this, which may or may not be true. Maybe you could, if this really troubles you, talk it over calmly and privately with your dad ?

Reply to cybershrink

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