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Question
Posted by: Desperate | 2010-01-09

Dad bad tempered

Over the last few years my dad has become very short-tempered. He' s always been very bad with expressing his emotions, choosing to lose his temper instead, but lately it' s become more and more frequent, especially now that' s he retired. I understand it' s hard adjusting to the life of a retiree, but I just find his behaviour so selfish.

His outbursts are often in public, and it' s so humiliating when he does it in front of friends and family that I' ve stopped inviting him to social occasions. He doesn' t seem to understand that his behaviour is hurting us deeply. Once he even threatened to divorce my mother and she was so heart broken she almost committed suicide. I can completely relate. I' m so tired of being depressed. I never know when his bad moods will strike. I' m walking on eggshells at home because I never know what will provoke him. Once I used his computer and forgot to shut down, and he yelled at me and pulled my arm so roughly that it was the first time I was afraid he' ll become physically violent too. I' ve gotten to the stage where I' ve started extensive research on suicide methods because I' m so miserable and emotionally drained. I only worry about leaving my mother behind, but at the same time my pain is so bad that I just want an end.

What could cause someone' s personality to shift to dramatically at the age of 60? He refuses to get help  refuses to admit he' s hurting us. My mother loves him and will not divorce... but as long as we all live under the same roof like this, I' m sure my mom and I will end up with a nervous breakdown or suicidal. I just don' t see a solution. We can go for counselling, as I' m sure you' ll suggest, but it still doesn' t fix my dad' s behaviour.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes people who can't express themselves effectively get extra frustrated and more easily angered. And rtirement is difficult, perhaps more so for men. Woman are more used to multitasking, and continue with many of their activities after retiring - a man who thought of himself only as "X" ( whatever his job was ) can be lost and feel diminished and useless after retiring. This sort of thing can help to explain why he behaves like this,
But of course this doesn't justify making other people's lives more miserable as he seems to do.
Counselling could indeed help, IF he took part sincerely, recognizing that there is a problem worth him working on, to solve it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Sharon | 2010-01-11

I have a serious problem to try deal with. My husband has got a very bad temper but over the last few months he has started getting violent and aggressive. He gets so angry that he starts throwing things around and breaking glass etc. I have a16 month old baby and I fear that my husband will injury or even kill one of us. He also owns a gun and that makes it even worse. I have moved out of the house because of my babys safety as well as mine. I am desperate because I am not sure if I want to be with him again but he tells me he wants to make it work and he will try not get like that again. Please Help as I am now desperate ?

Regards
Sharon

Reply to Sharon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-09

Sometimes people who can't express themselves effectively get extra frustrated and more easily angered. And rtirement is difficult, perhaps more so for men. Woman are more used to multitasking, and continue with many of their activities after retiring - a man who thought of himself only as "X" ( whatever his job was ) can be lost and feel diminished and useless after retiring. This sort of thing can help to explain why he behaves like this,
But of course this doesn't justify making other people's lives more miserable as he seems to do.
Counselling could indeed help, IF he took part sincerely, recognizing that there is a problem worth him working on, to solve it.

Reply to cybershrink

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