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Question
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/05/27

CS may I have your opinion please

My CBT doc is very impressed with my progress. 2 weeks back after the session, as I was busy paying at reception, he came to me with a folded post-it and told me to read it in the car. It said “ I have the urge to tell you that you are amazing” . Yesterday we had a session. Before the session he said “ You look amazing. I love you.”  During the session he kept saying he loves me, I am wonderful.

My question is: Is it really possible that I am doing so well after only 2 months of therapy? Could it be a technique to praise me just to build my self-esteem? I want to believe that I am doing well but it’ s hard for me to believe it –  I have been in the dark for so long, it feels unreal to be happy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds very odd indeed, and in no way part of CBT or of any form of counselling or therapy. Indeed, it is highly unprofessional behaviour, bordering on the unethical. Therapy is not supposed to be about him or FOR him, or to deal with HIS feelings - this is exploitation.
If he has foolishly allowed himself to become so infatuated, he is possibly exaggerating the progress you have made ( or maybe he's very fresh to such work, and you're the first patient he has seen do so well ? ) This is NEVER how a responsible shrink tries to boost you self-esteem. What is admirable about you is the good work you are doing, not whether he loves you.
I would seriously think of getting another therapist - and at least tell him frankly it makes you feel confused and rather bothered when he talks about loving you, because you know this is NOT something that is supposed to be discussed between doctor and patient.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/27

The " I love you"  sounds a bit over the top and unprofessional to me. I wonder if he says things like that to all his patients? It would make me feel very uncomfortable.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/27

Sounds very odd indeed, and in no way part of CBT or of any form of counselling or therapy. Indeed, it is highly unprofessional behaviour, bordering on the unethical. Therapy is not supposed to be about him or FOR him, or to deal with HIS feelings - this is exploitation.
If he has foolishly allowed himself to become so infatuated, he is possibly exaggerating the progress you have made ( or maybe he's very fresh to such work, and you're the first patient he has seen do so well ? ) This is NEVER how a responsible shrink tries to boost you self-esteem. What is admirable about you is the good work you are doing, not whether he loves you.
I would seriously think of getting another therapist - and at least tell him frankly it makes you feel confused and rather bothered when he talks about loving you, because you know this is NOT something that is supposed to be discussed between doctor and patient.

Reply to cybershrink

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