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Question
Posted by: Eva | 2009/07/30

CS comment on in-laws

Hi CS. I could not help but laugh when I read your comment of " gosh we seem to have lots of in-law questions this week" . I had to ask your advise. You mentioned that through FAMSA we can work through this. Just from your point of view...my in-laws esp my MIL in short and all honesty is a manipulative, rude, disrepectful and cold woman.I am not exagerating. I decided early this year not to go there anymore and not to talk to her unnecessarily as she thinks her son is the best! playing games till late night at her home but she complaints that I go to the gym everyday." what type of her wife am I"  and my stories can go on and on. My marriage took a huge breaking point and I am at this stage that I dont know if I love my husband as much anymore because he refuses to tell his mom in a polite way to stop insulting me. We would have huge fights at home that would lead to abusive behaviour and leaves me so so sad.And in many of the posts here this is a huge problem in many marriages. How can one deal with this. Ingoring her works for me trust me but my marriage???thank you for your time to respond to all the posts. Its helps alot!! God Bless!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I very much doubt that you are exaggerating --- many such people exist, and at least some of them must be somebody's MIL. And while changing bad habits is possible and productive when the person wants to change ( and, to be frank, when they are younger and less practised in their annoying habits ) such people rarely see any need to change, as they are content to be the way they are. It's the personality equivalent of wearing a really ugly hat --- it's other people who experience the horror of it.
There are some potential lies of approach. Sometimes one can find ways to avoid giving them opportuniies to do their nasty things. Sometimes there can be ways to out-manipulate them, and reduce their fire-power. Your husband may be reluctant to intervene for several reasons --- it may be agreeable to be considered so marvellouw ( who among us would easily turn down such an option ? ), and perhaps he has in the past really tried to rein her in, and failed so often as to have given up the attempt.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/07/30

You took the words right out of my mouth. Couldn' t help but giggle myself. I find it so sad how inlaws who should be helping a relationship go and do the down right opposite. I promised myself not become one of these horrid MIL. Will be there to support my child and guide not force my beliefs and dominate.
Actually my problem really isn' t with my MIL but the fact that hubby chooses not to put his foot down when it comes to her and her meddling. When will this end...?

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Kristen | 2009/07/30

You took the words right out of my mouth. Couldn' t help but giggle myself. I find it so sad how inlaws who should be helping a relationship go and do the down right opposite. I promised myself not become one of these horrid MIL. Will be there to support my child and guide not force my beliefs and dominate.
Actually my problem really isn' t with my MIL but the fact that hubby chooses not to put his foot down when it comes to her and her meddling. When will this end...?

Reply to Kristen

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