Our expert says:
I very much doubt that you are exaggerating --- many such people exist, and at least some of them must be somebody's MIL. And while changing bad habits is possible and productive when the person wants to change ( and, to be frank, when they are younger and less practised in their annoying habits ) such people rarely see any need to change, as they are content to be the way they are. It's the personality equivalent of wearing a really ugly hat --- it's other people who experience the horror of it.
There are some potential lies of approach. Sometimes one can find ways to avoid giving them opportuniies to do their nasty things. Sometimes there can be ways to out-manipulate them, and reduce their fire-power. Your husband may be reluctant to intervene for several reasons --- it may be agreeable to be considered so marvellouw ( who among us would easily turn down such an option ? ), and perhaps he has in the past really tried to rein her in, and failed so often as to have given up the attempt.
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