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Question
Posted by: Lady | 2009-01-22

CS and ALL MEN - PLS advise me???

My man (40) is loving and supportive, but from time to time out of the blue he blows up and gets so angry that he becomes irrational and then he shouts and swears over the smallest thing. (He doesn' t get physical, although I sometimes fear that he might.) This scares the kids, then I take them out of the situation and avoid him altogether for the remainder of the day.

I don' t understand it. Then he sleeps on the couch and the following day want to talk to me and act as if nothing happened. Then he phones me much later the following day to apologise, but as soon as I question his behaviour after his apology, then he gets angry again. He says if he asks forgiveness I shouldn' t question him still !

Please tell me how do I get the message accross loud and clear that his reaction isn' t acceptable and that I won' t tolerate his behaviour? He doesn' t give me a chance to discuss it  he refuses and walks away and I' m not willing to subject my kids to it.

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Our expert says:
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Asking for forgiveness isn't an excuse for not explaining, or not trying to learn why the bad thing happened so that it can be prevented from happening again. Calmly, without challenging him directly, tell him that these ep[isodes are unacceptable, and that you want him to see a counsellor to get to the bottom of WHY these outbursts are happening, and how he might prevent them from recurring.
Again we see the damage caused by those who preach forgiveness as though it was a constitutional right for every transgressor, and a compulsory duty for every victim. If he won't talk about what happens or try to prevent it, then he has done nothing deserving forgiveness

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: neo | 2009-01-23

he is having an affair...

Reply to neo
Posted by: Bill | 2009-01-23

And there was silence......Where are all the men?
This may be unrelated, but your hubby is about my age... I used to get very angry, and blow up about the smallest things I sometimes still do. I had my ears tested quite by chance 8 years ago while having our babys ears checked. The doc afterwards asked me if I realised that I had a severe hearing impairment and that I had already started reading lips! That freaked me out but once she explained that One ear can only hear low sounds and the other high sounds (damage from time in army) my brain has to process both to understand the sound so with one sound it is normal, if the tv is on and the dogs are barking and my wife says something I just hear a jumble. You will be surprised what that does, it disorients you, makes you shout, get frustrated, cross etc and afterwards you have no idea why. We have it more or less under control now as my family is aware of my disability and adapts to it! It' s a long shot but might apply to his irrational outbursts.

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