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Question
Posted by: Nandi | 2010-06-03

Crushing sense of failure in life

HI Prof

I got a job last year, after 10 mths of unemployment. I’ d lost the previous job due to company closure - and now I’ ve lost this one due to downsizing. I have till end June here. My sense of hopelessness and failure in life is overwhelming and I am ready to give up the ghost. I am a single parent  my concerns about keeping my child fed and in school worry me sick. The other difficult thing is that I cannot tell anyone about my job loss. I have discussed it with none of my colleagues - I do not have the emotional energy to field qs, from anyone, nor pitiful stares. For the same reason I''ve not told my family, who will grill me. I don’ t have the strength to answer qs. Also, my last job loss caused my fam a lot of angst and strangely, embarrassment. I guess becoz I am a degreed, well-spoken lady who ‘ anyone would hire’ . It is so not true that educated ppl can always get a job.
There seem to be walls closing around me. I am so anxious to maintain normalcy in the house for my child, but she s’ times asks me what wrong. I feel so utterly alone. Her dad will not help us I know, he didn’ t at all during my last unemployment spell. I asked him just to help us with groceries and he said no. He simple doesn’ t care. I will not tell him about this latest turn of events. It will change nothing.

Strange thoughts have been going thru my head, like shd I offer myself for sex over the world cup...it is sth I wld never have considered before but I honestly feel my world is crashing down and that a mother shd do anything for her child. I am prepared to do anything to keep her world intact, to keep her in school, and fed, and with a roof over her head. I have had so many rejections to my CV’ s ... I continue to send them out but am doing it from a ‘ dead’  sort of space. There is no hope or passion when I hit the send button, it is mechanical.
What shd I do? I am counting pennies and cannot pay for any sort of treatment or meds and in fact just feel like being at home with the covers over my head. I feel so bleak about life and the goodness of man... I feel invisible to the world, I almost feel the world wants to get rid of me. It must do, why does it keep sidelining me and excluding me? I have heard about a ''spirit of rejection'', I feel I now know what it is. The world is rejecting me, for whatever reason.

What shd I do? I have a child, I cannot afford to be in this pit.
Pls help

thank you, sorry it is long.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good, working people do feel terribly disappointed when they lose their job, even when, as in your example, it is not at all their fault.

It is a blow to one's self-esteem, and we need to recognize that your value has not diminished at all, and you should continue to feel proud of yourself and your values. I do hope other readers can come up with more practical suggestions, too.

Realise that sadly things like this happen to many of u at different times, and it is not at all because of anything bad about you. The world isn't rjecting you, its just so wrapped up in its own problems that it isn't thinking of you at this stage.

If it's not in the law here in SA, it should be - that when a company downsizes ( as is the case in other countries ) it has a duty to help you find new work, and even to provide you with further training to make this easier.

The Maintenance COurt should be able to require the child's father to pay maintenance towards at least her expenses, and you should explore this option. Guys who are prepared to impregnate women, must be prepared to care properly for the resulting child. Don't be too proud to do this for yourself and your child. And if the court agrees that he should pay, he will HAVE to do this, as he could go to jail for contempt of court if he doesn't, or could have it deducted from his pay.

And do discuss it with your family - they may surprise you by being less "grilling" and more helpful than you think.

Keep trying for jobs, especially while it's easier to send out those CVs. Check whether any agencies can help. You have held down 2 jobs well - its not your fault that the companies ran into problems. You would be a good worker, and someone will recognise that if you keep trying.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Green | 2010-06-04

It breaks my heart to think about what you going through. Please hang in there. The wheel will turn and you should be ready when things change for the better. Hang in there...

Reply to Green
Posted by: Glow | 2010-06-04

Hi Nandi,

keep the faith girl, you will get something. I understand how hard things are and how you must be feeling, as a single parent myself. but i wanna tell you, kneel down and pray, God will see you through. be strong

Reply to Glow
Posted by: Jo | 2010-06-03

Nandi, I'm so sorry that you are going through a difficult time.

If the company is laying you off you qualify for UIF - so please get your UIF card from the company HR department before you leave and sign on. It will give you some income while you look for another position, and you will certainly find one.

Please let us know how you are doing.

Reply to Jo
Posted by: girlie | 2010-06-03

hi nandi, undenze ndakhala ukufunda lemessage, ngeyiphi idegree onayo, kwaye uhlala phi?

Reply to girlie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-03

Good, working people do feel terribly disappointed when they lose their job, even when, as in your example, it is not at all their fault.

It is a blow to one's self-esteem, and we need to recognize that your value has not diminished at all, and you should continue to feel proud of yourself and your values. I do hope other readers can come up with more practical suggestions, too.

Realise that sadly things like this happen to many of u at different times, and it is not at all because of anything bad about you. The world isn't rjecting you, its just so wrapped up in its own problems that it isn't thinking of you at this stage.

If it's not in the law here in SA, it should be - that when a company downsizes ( as is the case in other countries ) it has a duty to help you find new work, and even to provide you with further training to make this easier.

The Maintenance COurt should be able to require the child's father to pay maintenance towards at least her expenses, and you should explore this option. Guys who are prepared to impregnate women, must be prepared to care properly for the resulting child. Don't be too proud to do this for yourself and your child. And if the court agrees that he should pay, he will HAVE to do this, as he could go to jail for contempt of court if he doesn't, or could have it deducted from his pay.

And do discuss it with your family - they may surprise you by being less "grilling" and more helpful than you think.

Keep trying for jobs, especially while it's easier to send out those CVs. Check whether any agencies can help. You have held down 2 jobs well - its not your fault that the companies ran into problems. You would be a good worker, and someone will recognise that if you keep trying.

Reply to cybershrink

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