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Question
Posted by: hubbiex | 2010/07/20

couples/marriages

Hi doc, I just want to know if it is abnormal in a marriage or long term partnership to give your partner a back/neck or foot rub/massage should they have pains?
If not normal to have this in a marriage where can one go for these from a male perspective without having to go to an escort?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its of course entirely usual for partners to do so for each other - whatever would be comforting, in a non-sexual sense ( apart from anuything within the realms of consensual sex ). I gather from your message that for some reason your partner doesn't want to do this for you ? If this reflects broader relationship problems, seeing a counples counsellor together should help. SOme partners might be reluctant simply because they'd feel awkward and don't know how to do it properly.
If you feel a massage would be helpful, there are proper professeional masseurs usually related to Physiotherapists especiallly, who could do so, and similarly perhaps chiropracters. I'm not aware that escorts have any particular training or skills in massage, and uually use that simply as an attempted cover for more directly sexual services.
And at a respectable but less health professional level, many spas now offer various forms of relaxing massages.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Blues | 2010/07/20

It''s totally normal behavior, my hubby and I do it to the other if one of us has pain or is stressed. Maybe you should offer to rub your partner''s back in exchange for them rubbing yours? I''d offer rubbing your''s but I think I''ll rather go treat my hubby to a nice back rub...

Reply to Blues
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/20

Are you saying that you would like your partner to massage you but he/she doesn''t want to? Perhaps suggest that you both go on a course to learn how to do it? If you have and injury or serious spasms I would suggest a physio or sportse masseur. Escort... hmmm... no.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/20

i dont think that''s why people go to escorts?....
like Shaun says, go to a spa.

my husband will do anything i ask(even massage) if it makes me happy, but i know he cant really do it (some people just cant, it doesnt feel right, lol) so i dont expect him to and would rather just pay to have it done or my husband to rub in deap heat or something if it is really sore, even if he cant massage.

it is perhaps ''newer'' for men to go to spa''s etc, so i understand your question, but please dont go to an escort`!?

if you have real pain they wouldnt help anyway, and you probably need something more in the line of physio.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Shaun | 2010/07/20

No it''s not abnormal to give your partner back or foot massages.
I massage my fiance every night. Even if she does not have pain. I do it because I love her and want to pamper her.

If you want to have it done by anyone other than your partner, go to a health spa. They offer great massages and it''s a strictly professional setup. Escorts just leads to problems.

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/20

Its of course entirely usual for partners to do so for each other - whatever would be comforting, in a non-sexual sense ( apart from anuything within the realms of consensual sex ). I gather from your message that for some reason your partner doesn't want to do this for you ? If this reflects broader relationship problems, seeing a counples counsellor together should help. SOme partners might be reluctant simply because they'd feel awkward and don't know how to do it properly.
If you feel a massage would be helpful, there are proper professeional masseurs usually related to Physiotherapists especiallly, who could do so, and similarly perhaps chiropracters. I'm not aware that escorts have any particular training or skills in massage, and uually use that simply as an attempted cover for more directly sexual services.
And at a respectable but less health professional level, many spas now offer various forms of relaxing massages.

Reply to cybershrink

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