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Question
Posted by: Nikki | 2010/10/25

Couples counselling?

Dear Doc

for 2 years we have been battling with 1 problem in our relationship - drinking. My live in partner has a habit of verbally abusing me when he''s drinking and we have a fight (usually about the drinking) - as i dont drink much - and i refuse to drink and drive.

Recently he threw me out the house (physically) after staying out a whole night with he''s drinking buddies.He got angry when i asked where he was. I moved out 2 days later - He is now in deep regret for his actions, and i have agreed to seek help - as i love him deeply. I left him - but he wants to win me back and says he will try anything.

He admits there is a problem - alcohol makes him aggressive and violent.

where do we start? is couples counselling a starting point maybe?

please advise
thank you!
nikki

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

alcohol usually exposes some of the worst aspects of ourselves. Anyone who pushes you to drink and drive, let alone abuses you for not doing so, is stupid and dangerous. You seem to be discussing an alcoholic ( who will probably insist that this is not so ) and a serious Problem Drinker.
What I don't understand is why, after his most refent fracas, it is YOU who is seeking help, rather than him ? What id you do wrong or that needs fixing ?
For a start, he needs to see a shrink with an interest in alcohol problems, for a full assessment and make a serious plan for rehab and tratment to help him stop drinking and to stay stopped. Only if he can start to get a grip on his drinking, would it be worth thinking about couples counselling to work on the other relationship problems.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/25

alcohol usually exposes some of the worst aspects of ourselves. Anyone who pushes you to drink and drive, let alone abuses you for not doing so, is stupid and dangerous. You seem to be discussing an alcoholic ( who will probably insist that this is not so ) and a serious Problem Drinker.
What I don't understand is why, after his most refent fracas, it is YOU who is seeking help, rather than him ? What id you do wrong or that needs fixing ?
For a start, he needs to see a shrink with an interest in alcohol problems, for a full assessment and make a serious plan for rehab and tratment to help him stop drinking and to stay stopped. Only if he can start to get a grip on his drinking, would it be worth thinking about couples counselling to work on the other relationship problems.

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