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Question
Posted by: Just me | 2009/11/04

Counselling after 4 years of verbal/emosional abuse

My husband and I are seeing a therapist tomorrow to help us sort out our marital problems. We are not getting along at all and have 2 kids who are being affected negatively by the ' atmosphere'  in the house. Last week, at my husbands request, we saw a psychiatrist (who treated me 18 months ago for burnout and depression)just to get things going before we started with the therapist. I mentioned to her that I felt my husband had been verbally and emosionally abusive the past 4 years and she basically agreed with me and told my husband that he was not acting fairly. After this meeting with her, he ignored me totally and said that I had insulted me in front of her. I eventually gave him the list of the things that prompted me to think that he is acting in an abusive manner and he is very upset with it. We are now seeing a therapist tomorrow. I just want to know whether I made a mistake of showing him my list? what can we expect with the therapist tomorrow?

Help will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it was a mistake to spring your list on him apparently without warning, so he felt perhaps that you and the therapist were ganging up on him. A wise therapist and counsellor, would be aware of your views, but would want to appear more even-handed in hearing both sides of the story beforre pronouncing sentence

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just me | 2009/11/04

I only gave him the list after our meeting. She asked us both to act better towards each other as neither of us want to get divorced, but my husband went into a silent rage after we had our talk with her. I sometimes feel as though he wants to punish me and drive me ' crazy'  by doing that. That is why I gave him the list?

Reply to Just me
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/04

Just me, you have the right to verbalise your concerns. I hope your hubby' s silence is from shock and that he is thinking about your list and thinking of ways to repair the damage and not of anger. Us women, we are sensitive creatures, and the men in our lives don' t always realise that they can get much father with kind words and actions than insults and aggression.

I think it' s wonderful that you are both aware of the problems in your marriage and are willing to work at them. Stand strong for your rights and make sure that he doesn' t overpower you tomorrow. Good luck!!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/04

Maybe it was a mistake to spring your list on him apparently without warning, so he felt perhaps that you and the therapist were ganging up on him. A wise therapist and counsellor, would be aware of your views, but would want to appear more even-handed in hearing both sides of the story beforre pronouncing sentence

Reply to cybershrink

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