Posted by: PAL | 2008-12-10

Could this be bi polar?

Just over two months ago my wife (36yrs old) walked out on the children (Boy 13 and girl 4) and me. We have been married for 14 years. This was completely unexpected for me, although we had been going through some difficulties and had started to see a counsellor psychologist. We only went to five sessions before my wife left.

However she has had a complete behavioural and personality change. Partying every night, spending her money like there is no tomorrow, and feeling on top of the world, new social circle of friends, make over, new clothes and convinced that life couldn' t be better and that the marraige is history. And that a divorce will have no effect on the children, which is hard to understand as she came from a broken family and I heard how it affected her having an absent father etc. She only has the kids 2 or 3 times a week.

One month ago I received divorce papers from her aswell. She does not want to communicate with me, and in the beginning I was begging her to come home and let us try to resolve whatever the problems were. She had no empathy whatsoever and was not prepared to try. She has repeatedly said it is over and I must move on.

I have never had an affair or abused her in anyway.

I have being trying to understand what has happened, and this has lead me to question the possibility of her being bi polar.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This must be very hurtful for you. It is possible she could be in a manic phase of a bipolar disorder, though one would expect other signs of such a disorder, including previous episodes, and depressions as well. It could also be simply that she has suddenly decided, perhaps under the influence of bad advice, to throw cauion to the winds, and behave with extreme selfishness and foolishness. One would also expect that the counselling psychologist you two saw would have noticed something, and may be better able to answer your question than I, having had the chance to interct with her for several sessions.
If your lawyer can raise questions of her suddent neglect of her children and concern about her mental state, it might be useful to delay divorce proceedings until either she recovers from the manic episode ( they don't usually last for very long ) or comes to her senses when she finds her new "friends" to be uncaring.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: PAL | 2008-12-11

To Cybershrink

Yes it is very hurtful and confusing for me and the children.

Looking back in hindsight, I think she had displayed similar symptoms in the past, though nowhere near as dramatic.

Just thought it to be mood swings etc.

When we were with the counselling psychologist it was as a couple and for working on our relationship. Ironically, there had been some behavioural changes eg drinking and smoking and the need for her to have her ladies nights out etc, that had put pressure on our relationship. So it was a matter of us trying to understand our changing wants and needs and learning to communicate with each other better.

The counselling psychologist did feel that my wife was being like a " rebellious teenager"  and doing some of those things to work me up etc. But there was also a feeling that my wife was not being forth right and open when at counselling, not trying to make it work etc. For example I found out about her gambling problem after she left me, even though it had started before and it was never mentioned at counselling.

I actually spoke to the counselling psychologist today and she also feels that what my wife is doing and the sudden change in behaviour does sound like a manic phase.

The irony is that in the divorce papers she is wanting primary caregiver status, even though the kids are not with her all the time. Yes I think that I should bring up the possible state of her mental health, maybe it will force her to have an evaluation or something done.

Will have to wait and see if she comes to her " senses"  or hits a very depressive state and one can then get her help.

To Noza

Thanks for the kind words. Yes it is not a nice thought that she may already be sleeping around etc and the untold emotional and physical damage it could cause not only her, but to me and the children aswell.


Reply to PAL
Posted by: Nozi | 2008-12-11

Wow how lucky are some woman to have husbands like you, why is it when one partner is faithful the other is not.
It could just be a phase, she will come to her sense' s but heres hoping when it' s not too late and not much damage done, because believe me you will keep wondering whom she slept with and what was done when away.
Good luck

Reply to Nozi

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