advertisement
Question
Posted by: Nonto | 2012/06/11

could they be signs???

My fiancee and I, have been dating for 6 years (renting separately, same town), we got engaged last year and moved in together and were blessed with a baby boy Jan 2012, we agreed that I go stay by mother to help with the baby during the week so she can help with the baby and its close to my work...so i''m only at the house Fridays-Mondays.
sometime last month i knocked-off early and went to my house...to my suprise he did not come home after work, I called him around 10pm and asked where he was and he said to me he is home (our house), and I said to him i''m home, he cut the call and even switch-off his phone until the next day. Instead of coming home to explain his whereabouts....he did not and instead went to work

I left on friday and went back to my mother''s place bcos I was so hurt with this whole situation. He instead smsed me saying i''m the reason our relationship is like this (our famalies had a fight about the baby name and he was taking his family''s side and I had to make a decision to cut both family names)....but how does this relate to him sleeping out/cheating if he is? Since then we never have a decent conversation...he is moody, never discusses things with me...he tells me that is not cheating and that night he was by friend''s house (which I think its a lie). Well I was so ready to sorting it out, but was still not convinced, I did the same last week, went there wednesday, stil the same thing, this time i did not eve call him, I just left a note saying *so is this how want things to be*....he never bothered to talk about it....I also did not say a thing about it...I just told him to move out of our bedroom and sleep in a spare room, which he quietly agreed and he neva said a word the whole weekend.

Is it not clear that he is cheating? or fallen out of Love...? I''m so hurt that I no longer look at him the same way....do you think his family also has influence on this? This was sudden and very hard for me to deal with :(.

Can you please advise

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, I was writing a rather good reply, when the lights went out and I lost everything I'd written. The Tshwane City Council is incapable of keeping the electricity system running properly, as this has happened three times in the last 2 weks, once for 3 hours. Yesterday I sat and shivered for another 3 hours in the dark, with no electricity, due to cable theft, which incredibly, took place nearby, in broad daylight, and under the nose of two private security guards, and around 10 government security guards, none of whom noticed anything, while a lorry drove up, men took out large ladders, climbed up two street poles, cut off the wires, and took them away, while the guards sat dozing in the dark !
Anyhow, your fiance's behaviour is deeply suspicious, of course.And he owes you a proper explanation and apology, and should agree to work with you in couples counselling, to sort this out. Whether or not the families are aquabbling about a baby name, is no excuse for whatever he was getting up to, and is NOT your fault - he must try to be man enough to accept responsibility for his own decisions and behaviour. It was no excuse for cheating, and if he was just visiting a friend, why would he have needed to lie to you about where he was ?
Surely both of your family's should be involved in helping the pair of you to sort things out, rather than engaging in silly and childish squabbles about a name ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Nonto | 2012/06/12

Thank you Maria, I want to try, but its too hard and I''m still very angry at the moment

I will certainly talk to him when i''m cooled down, thank you for listening and your adivice, it means a lot

Reply to Nonto
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/11

Yes he could be cheating and there is no excuse for doing that. But your domestic arrangements certainly made it easier to stray. Can you not get a nanny for the baby or drop her off by your mom every day?

What to do now... Do you want to try and save the relationship? Then you need to have a heart to heart talk to him. Tell him that you realise the way you guys were living must have been lonely for him. Tell him that you love him and that you miss him, and how important he is to you and your daughter. Ask him to help you make a plan so that you can spend more time together.

Will it be a requirement for you that he must confess if he did cheat? I know, it''s hard to rebuild trust. And he MUST go and get checked out for HIV and other STI''s before you have sex with him again.

Good luck, it''s tough to make it work but trying again might be worthwhile.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Nonto | 2012/06/11

Thank you doc, we also do not have power this side :(

my point exactly, what families are fighting about is just childish and stupid....as for his behaviour...I refuse to take the quilt, I did nothing wrong and I never do something without discussing with him....so my staying with mma is no excuse for this behaviour

Reply to Nonto
Posted by: Nonto | 2012/06/11

I hear you Maria, but we both agreed, as we are both working and did not want to put the baby that young into a crech...
Dont you think if he is cheating...he would have done it while staying with him full time anyway? Remember we were not staying together for almost the whole life our dating? Would he maybe were doing it before?

Reply to Nonto
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/11

Moving to your mother''s for help with the baby was a BIG mistake. Your baby has two parents, who were together, and should be raised by her parents living together as a family.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/11

Sorry, I was writing a rather good reply, when the lights went out and I lost everything I'd written. The Tshwane City Council is incapable of keeping the electricity system running properly, as this has happened three times in the last 2 weks, once for 3 hours. Yesterday I sat and shivered for another 3 hours in the dark, with no electricity, due to cable theft, which incredibly, took place nearby, in broad daylight, and under the nose of two private security guards, and around 10 government security guards, none of whom noticed anything, while a lorry drove up, men took out large ladders, climbed up two street poles, cut off the wires, and took them away, while the guards sat dozing in the dark !
Anyhow, your fiance's behaviour is deeply suspicious, of course.And he owes you a proper explanation and apology, and should agree to work with you in couples counselling, to sort this out. Whether or not the families are aquabbling about a baby name, is no excuse for whatever he was getting up to, and is NOT your fault - he must try to be man enough to accept responsibility for his own decisions and behaviour. It was no excuse for cheating, and if he was just visiting a friend, why would he have needed to lie to you about where he was ?
Surely both of your family's should be involved in helping the pair of you to sort things out, rather than engaging in silly and childish squabbles about a name ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement