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Question
Posted by: Belinda | 2010-01-12

Could he have psychopathic tendencies?

My ex &  I have a child together who will be 2 yrs old this mth. Baby is very attached to him, so I allow him to see him often. I left this man when I found out how he cheated on me with HIS ex (she was all for it) and had various infidelities with other women. He somehow thinks if he only kisses them open-mouthed it' s not cheating.

Besides this, he' s financially extremely irresponsible, when he drinks he doesn' t know his limit although he' s diabetic and is fully aware how detrimental it is and simply never grew up. He also hit me once when I refused to leave baby with him because he was intoxicated. I laid a charge which he pleaded guilty to, but he pleaded for a chance which I gave him as he didn' t have a history of hitting women in his past.

In June 2009 he decided he wanted out when I caught him out still contacting and sms' ing one of his ex-lovers who' s now married. I confronted her and she kept herself innocent " not meaning to cause hurt"  yet she told him she missed his late night calls! He used to phone her up whenever intoxicated and when I was asleep. He reckoned I exaggerated and insisted on splitting by the end of June. I had to take a flat that I couldn' t really afford, but he refused to give me more time to find another flat. I go a bit hungry every month to survive and feed my two boys properly. He does pay child support, but refuses to increase the amount. I' m going to court to apply for an increase.

Then when I moved he decided he never meant to want to split and tried to come and live with me! I told him to go completely on his own for a full year and prove himself. He wasn' t willing to do so and kept playing with my emotions, sometimes staying over. He became secretive with his cell phone again and I sensed something was up again. He also twisted my arm and pushed me a couple of times again.

November 2009 I decided to end our relationship for good. In the first week of Jan 2010 he told me baby was going to have a sister! When I questioned him, as I realised he was cheating all along then, it came out his EX whom he cheated on in the beginning asked him to father her child. I was dumbfounded. He hurt this woman and myself (cheated on her with me, but I never knew of her until much later into our relationship) and cheated on me with her when I went on holiday a few yrs ago. How can she then ask him to have a baby with her! I believe it though, because she' s seeing him again and when I was in her company she simply couldn' t look at me.

This is so draining, doc. Am I dealing with a sociopath and if so, PLEASE ADVISE ME HOW TO HANDLE IT? He still sends me messages of how much he cares about me and I ignore it, but I' ve just had enough of this manipulation and want it to end.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Amazing, isn't it, how many cheaters invent silly rules so as to define whatver they're doing as "not cheating ". Remember President Bill Clinton and his various sexual activities which he cheerfully defined as "not sex" ?
This guy sounds comprehensively irresponsible. Don't allow him to manpulate you. Whatever diagnosis he might or might not receivwe if properly assessed by a shrink, his behaviour and history prove that he's really a bad choice for any woman to choose to be around. Why not change your number so he can't keep sending you unwanted messages, or just block them ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Belinda | 2010-01-12

I am out of the relationship. However, we have a child together, so we have to communicate, as I can' t keep his child away from him. I just wanted advice on how to stop the mental manipulation.

I also can' t change my cell number, as I have to communicate with him regarding our child from time to time.

To top it all, he now plans to have a baby with his ex - who was the root of all our problems to begin with. If he has a child with her, that child becomes our child' s half-sibling. Am I then going to be obligated to see this woman and her child for the sake of my child? I really don' t see why I should have to go through any of this any longer.

I wish I could disappear with my kids, but I can' t. So, I need sound advice on how to handle this.

Reply to Belinda
Posted by: girly | 2010-01-12

dear belinda,

this is so sad to read and i sympathise with you so very much... it must be so hard to go through what you are at the moment... you say that you go hungry sometimes so that your boys have enough to eat ( what dedication,love and selflessness you have- which is amazing)...
my advice to you is to get out while you still can... being women we are far to forgiving and willing to believe that a man can change- trust me HE WILL NOT!!! not for you and deifinately not for the kids.

i think that the only dealing you should have with him is the visitation rights and child support - which if he doesnt respect needs to be reported.

you are a good, strong women who has put up with too much and its time to say no... if he gets abusive again you need to get a restrictive order against him.

I know you love your kids and you will do anything to make them happy and ensure their safety... not forgetting your own hapiness.

Please i urge you to move on and stop looking back. remember that " YOU OWN YOUR DESTINY"  ... the decisions you make now will change the rest of your life... so make the right decision NOW!

Reply to girly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-12

Amazing, isn't it, how many cheaters invent silly rules so as to define whatver they're doing as "not cheating ". Remember President Bill Clinton and his various sexual activities which he cheerfully defined as "not sex" ?
This guy sounds comprehensively irresponsible. Don't allow him to manpulate you. Whatever diagnosis he might or might not receivwe if properly assessed by a shrink, his behaviour and history prove that he's really a bad choice for any woman to choose to be around. Why not change your number so he can't keep sending you unwanted messages, or just block them ?

Reply to cybershrink

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