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Question
Posted by: Bheki | 2012/04/10

correcting life mistakes

Dear Doc,

I have really really messed-up, I had a woman whom left me 4 months ago when she find out that i was having an affair, and round about the same time we found out that she is pregnant and by then i didnt care about that and told her that i have my own life to leave and she must take care of herself and the baby. I was busy chasing younger goodlooking woman.

by then i told her that, she shouldnt involved me in the future plans of the baby nor should she expect any financial contribution from me, and now looking back i realise that she took it like a strong woman she is and never contacted me again.


But now i realise that i have made a cruel decision as this woman had no one to lean on through this experience. My selfish acts and behaviour has cost me a good woman and now my child as now i try to reach out to her and she wants nothing to do with me. I know is too late for me to fix what happened by not been there during her pregnancy as she is due in few weeks. I tried to contact her but she has blocked me out totally out of her life, she is not taking my calls, responding to my e-mails.

I just want to apologise to her not expecting me to take me back, i just want to be part of my child''s life. Please help me Dr. what must i do to correct my faults. Am so ashamed of myself for avoiding my responsibility. Just want my baby to know his father.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Everyone messes up at times ; a wise man recognizes when he has messed up, puts it right ( or as right as he can ) and learns from the experience so he won't mess up that way again.
As you recognize, I think, it wasn't her fault that you chose to cheat on her, and of course it's certainly not the fault of the child, whose needs must come first for both of you.
And of course legally, she could have taken you ( and could still, if she is sensible, take you ) to the Maintenance Court and the COurt will decide how much maintenance you should pay towards the child's needs, and the court could compel you to pay ).
As you recognize, it's understandable that she now doesn't want to hatve anything to do with you. But you are being a better man for recognizing what you did wrong, and that you need to try to put it right.
Even if she doesn't reply to your e-mails, you can express the feelings you state in this question, maybe heading it "apology", and she should at least read it.
Are there third parties, people who are friends of both of you, or maybe members of her family, who could communicate to her that you are apologetic and want to help even at this late stage, and who could serve as go-betweens between the pair of you ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Peter | 2012/04/12

Best thing you can do is to leave the lady alone dude. You have hurt her enough. Now that your behaviour has shown you how you can hurt others and how you can hurt yourself and shortchange your future, it is better you take the time now to be more aware of how your current decisons affect your life and to make better decsions right now that can improve it.

Reply to Peter
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/10

Everyone messes up at times ; a wise man recognizes when he has messed up, puts it right ( or as right as he can ) and learns from the experience so he won't mess up that way again.
As you recognize, I think, it wasn't her fault that you chose to cheat on her, and of course it's certainly not the fault of the child, whose needs must come first for both of you.
And of course legally, she could have taken you ( and could still, if she is sensible, take you ) to the Maintenance Court and the COurt will decide how much maintenance you should pay towards the child's needs, and the court could compel you to pay ).
As you recognize, it's understandable that she now doesn't want to hatve anything to do with you. But you are being a better man for recognizing what you did wrong, and that you need to try to put it right.
Even if she doesn't reply to your e-mails, you can express the feelings you state in this question, maybe heading it "apology", and she should at least read it.
Are there third parties, people who are friends of both of you, or maybe members of her family, who could communicate to her that you are apologetic and want to help even at this late stage, and who could serve as go-betweens between the pair of you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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