Our expert says:
I may have to take a couple of day's leave to read through this one !
Men don't have affairs because of a "bad marriage", or because of fights, and it's rarely the wife's fault. Don't blame yourself. But it's a complex issue, best explored in therapy / counselling.
I wonder why he told you about the affairs when he did ( quite long after them ).
From what you say abou your concerns about the ex-secretary, she seems an odd choice as a confidant or to get the phone number of someone else you suspect.
NOw, her reaction is indeed the sort of situation which, if it was written up in a soapie, people would find far-fetched and unlikely.
If the facts are as you state them, your huisband is indeed a liar and a cheat - lying not only to you but to his mistresses, and cheating on them as well as you. Again, with all this going on, I wonder why he chose NOW to tell you about the previous affairs, while pretending the current ones were not happening.
It is frankly a grossly insufficient response to jusy meekly decide to carry on and |give the mariage another change" - exactly how many last cvhances does he expect to get ? At the least, don't leave it to chance or he will continue to do what he has enjoyed doing for so long. Insist that he join you ins eeing an experienced marriage counsellor to have any chane of actually working hrough all this usefully.
Trusting him again is siomething he must earn, not be given as a gift at no charge. And its unlikely you will easily start loving him again, as actually nothing has changed.
&he does not deserve to be loved again automaically and "unconditionally" even if he continues to cheat and lie ?
And refuse to accept the blame. What he did is so large that he cannot expect you to simply forget it and move on without the necessary work being done, together, with expert help.
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