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Question
Posted by: Marina | 2010/07/08

Coping with husbands depression

Hi Doc,

This is not normally the kind of thing I do, but I am at my wits end. My husband suffers from depression and has been prescribed a number of antidepressants that he has been taking for the past 10 years. I am not sure exactly what everything is for as he refuses to discuss anything with me (he does have a right to privacy so I respect that), but he has also mentioned anxiety. He has been weaning himself off it and the consequences are not good. He is so moody that I get scared of him sometimes. Weekends are an absolute nightmare, if he is not sleeping he is critisizing everything that I do and picking fights. I am really too scared to say or do anything. He will get really angry if I don''t apologise for offending him. I am seriously considering divorce at this stage, espescially as we have a 2 year old son who sees all of this. I have suggested councelling which he also refuses. Am I being disloyal for feeling this way? Isn''t marriage about through sickness and in health? I just don''t know what to do anymore. Any suggestions will be most welcome.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Anxiety and depresion often urn up together. And this situation seems to reflect exactly why I rarely consider it adequate to treat Depression solely with drugs and neglecting psychotherapy to deal with the negative habits of thought that are usually a part of the problem.
If he is not sleeping properly, and remains highly irritable, it does not sound as though the treatment is being optimally successful, and I hope his treating psychiatrist is aware of this. And I hope he is being treated, as should EVERY complex case of depression, but a proper specialist psychiatrist rather than by a GP.
You are not being disloyal in your concerns - it is not a requirement of loyalty that you put up with rude and inconsiderate treatment, nor that you should fail to worry about an inadequately or unsuccessfully successful spouse.
In sickness and health means one should not rejec a spouse simply because they have an illnes - not that one should support them if they insist on having that illness untreated or inadequately treated

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/08

Anxiety and depresion often urn up together. And this situation seems to reflect exactly why I rarely consider it adequate to treat Depression solely with drugs and neglecting psychotherapy to deal with the negative habits of thought that are usually a part of the problem.
If he is not sleeping properly, and remains highly irritable, it does not sound as though the treatment is being optimally successful, and I hope his treating psychiatrist is aware of this. And I hope he is being treated, as should EVERY complex case of depression, but a proper specialist psychiatrist rather than by a GP.
You are not being disloyal in your concerns - it is not a requirement of loyalty that you put up with rude and inconsiderate treatment, nor that you should fail to worry about an inadequately or unsuccessfully successful spouse.
In sickness and health means one should not rejec a spouse simply because they have an illnes - not that one should support them if they insist on having that illness untreated or inadequately treated

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