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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012-04-30

coping skills

hi cybershrink,

your bio mentions your skills and experiences in grief, dying, trauma counselling. i know we r all different, and yet similar in many ways too, but i was wondering if you could share some coping skills in helping to lessen the fear of dying, and to help those who are left behind after a passing.

i know for some, their beliefs will bring comfort, family and friends will offer a shoulder, the person grieving will try be strong too. you have to be, i know.

but there are also moments where one feels bad they are living, could they have done more to lessen suffering, longing for things left unsaid... etc...

it is hard to say goodbye, and not to say goodbye.
we all die, but i would like to lessen my fear of dying, and also for those left behind to cope alright.

thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Just a few thoughts. Belief systems can indeed bring comfort - but often in practice bring much less comfort than one expected, and this can lead to a crisis of faith, or great mitterness. Great little book by CS Lewis, called A Grief Observed, that explores this wonderfully.
There are always opportunities for Survivor Guilt - because nomatter how much you did, its always possible to imagine something more you might have done, even though in practice it might not have been possible or even helpful. We need to learn to forgive ourselves.
Fear of dying is often surprisingly close to fear of living - rather than puzzling about whether there is life after death, one needs to face the question of whether there is life BEFORE death - and concentrate on finding how to live properly right now.

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