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Question
Posted by: Jersey | 2011/11/18

Controlling too much

MY husband says "  there is nothing like private business of the other spouse in a relationship" 

We fight cause i told him i do not appreciate the way he likes going through my stuff during my absence because i myself respect his stuff i cannot go through them during his absence, another thing he is not happy about me dividing the percentage of my pension fund between himself and our kids he says why i do not give him the 100% if anything happens to me he will take care of the kids i told him i want it to be split and i would appreciate if he accepts my decision and i do not even his pension fund how he did them and i do not ask him

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's a large diference between believing that there NEED be no secrecy between a married couple, and one partner actively snooping through the spouse's stuff, especially when she is away.
And he is an insincere snoop playing double standards, unless he is equally as happy for you to snoop through everything of his. Otherwise he's two-faced and does not believe what he says he believes.
Similarly with the pension - why should he, if he is a good father, want to claim the entire amount for himself ? its entirely normal for a spouse to want to leave some or even all of their pension to the children. Why is he being so mercenary ? And similarly, unless he is 2-faced, wgy doesn't he show you the documents to show that HE has left 100 % of his pension to you, for exactly the reason that he wants you to leave all of yours so him. What a phoney ~!

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Another piont of view........... | 2011/11/18

I would not be married to someone to whom i would not be prepared to leave 100% of my pension to!
If l did not trust them upon their death to leave money to our kids l would not be trusting enough of them to commit myself to staying in the marriage............

l have no problem with my spouse going through any of my stuff after all l have nothing to hide......?

As for not asking a spouse questions about their penson - how can you stay in a relationship where there is no transparency and lack of communication???????

Reply to Another piont of view...........
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/18

There's a large diference between believing that there NEED be no secrecy between a married couple, and one partner actively snooping through the spouse's stuff, especially when she is away.
And he is an insincere snoop playing double standards, unless he is equally as happy for you to snoop through everything of his. Otherwise he's two-faced and does not believe what he says he believes.
Similarly with the pension - why should he, if he is a good father, want to claim the entire amount for himself ? its entirely normal for a spouse to want to leave some or even all of their pension to the children. Why is he being so mercenary ? And similarly, unless he is 2-faced, wgy doesn't he show you the documents to show that HE has left 100 % of his pension to you, for exactly the reason that he wants you to leave all of yours so him. What a phoney ~!

Reply to cybershrink

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