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Question
Posted by: daniel | 2011-05-30

continue or not

Involved with a girl for a few years.too much fighting over the last year.she is pregnant.however I don''t love her anymore.do I stay in relationship or not.she makes me miserable.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nobody else can give you a Yes or No answer to a question like that. Relationship / couples counselling would be a good idea. Contrary to popular belief, this is not a form of glue to stick shaky relationships back together, but should be a way for you both to understand what is happening, how things got this way, and what your practical alternatives now are.
You say "she is pregnant" as though you had nothing to do with it. If this is your child, then you both have major responsibilities towards the child, which must be foremost in your thoughts in deciding what to do next. That does NOT mean "get married for the sake of the child" - its no benefit for the child to be brought up by 2 reluctant, unhappy and squabbling parents. But the child's welfare must be guaranteed, and you will be legally responsible for paying maintenance for the child,long-term.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2011-05-30

Don''t waste your time with counselling, your mind is made up already, you don''t want to be with her and no matter what the counsellor says to you, it will just sound like blah,blah,blah ! Don''t even think of getting married " because of the child"  it will never work, believe me. Once its over, its over pal.

Its very sad however that there is a child involved. That''s the little being that I feel sorry for. What a start to life, a daddy that is going to be a reluctant parent, paying maintenance for the next 18 to 20 years (You can count on this if the Mother has any sense) and the continued animosity between you and your girlfriend.

By the way, what does she make of all of this ?

I''ll wager that you never thought the little bit of pleasure you derived at conception would bring this load of problems on your head. As the old South African saying goes, " die koel is deur die kerk" 

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-30

Have you tried relationship counselling? For the sakes of both of you and your unborn child? If you cannot sort out your differences you don''t have to stay in the relationship but you do have rights and responsibilites with regards to the child.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-30

Nobody else can give you a Yes or No answer to a question like that. Relationship / couples counselling would be a good idea. Contrary to popular belief, this is not a form of glue to stick shaky relationships back together, but should be a way for you both to understand what is happening, how things got this way, and what your practical alternatives now are.
You say "she is pregnant" as though you had nothing to do with it. If this is your child, then you both have major responsibilities towards the child, which must be foremost in your thoughts in deciding what to do next. That does NOT mean "get married for the sake of the child" - its no benefit for the child to be brought up by 2 reluctant, unhappy and squabbling parents. But the child's welfare must be guaranteed, and you will be legally responsible for paying maintenance for the child,long-term.

Reply to cybershrink

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