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Question
Posted by: Jog | 2010-01-13

Contact with her ex

Hi. I' m dating a girl I know for years. She' s been in a 5 year relationship, which broke up, and for the past 6 months we had a rollercoaster between her being with me, then him. I pulled away, and she came to me - and was happy.
We went out on Saturday night, and the ex was there. After that she acted strange.
She told me he wants her back, but she is not interested. It bothered me, and I did the GREAT crime, and looked through her sms' s.
There was a lot of communication between them, and he told her he wants her back, etc, and she told him she is confused etc.
I took her on this morning, and she told me everything.
She later sms' ed me, and told me to not look through her phone again - as it creates a trust issue.
I must admit that she told me everything, and was honest, but told me it is her own issues, and she wants to be with me, but have to handle the issues without me interfering with it.
First - can I trust that she wants to be with me - and second - how do you apologise for going through her private stuff?
I got hurt –  and know I’ m very insecure - but am her behaviour normal? She told me he is still a big part in her life –  through the pure fact that she is use to him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It really sounds as though she is far from being "over" the last guy, and as though she is playing with both of you, which is not at all a good basis for a good relationship. OK, it's not nice for you to have looked through her SMSs, bu these proved that she has been far more dishonest with you for a long time - I understand that you feel youshould apologise for having checked her phone - but what about her having continued this relationship with your ex while pretending otherwise ?
Leave her behind and move on - let her continue or finish her relationship with the other man. WEither way, she is NOT yet ready for an honest relationship with anyone else.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2010-01-14

True, leave her to sort herself and her ex issues out.
This will never work at this rate and you will only end up with a broken heart and regret taking this rrelationship further.
Maybe way in the future you guys can get together again when she is totally over her ex but until then, say goodbye

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Tully | 2010-01-13

Leave her, she still has heart for the ex..believe me u dont need this buggage in your life.

Reply to Tully
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-13

It really sounds as though she is far from being "over" the last guy, and as though she is playing with both of you, which is not at all a good basis for a good relationship. OK, it's not nice for you to have looked through her SMSs, bu these proved that she has been far more dishonest with you for a long time - I understand that you feel youshould apologise for having checked her phone - but what about her having continued this relationship with your ex while pretending otherwise ?
Leave her behind and move on - let her continue or finish her relationship with the other man. WEither way, she is NOT yet ready for an honest relationship with anyone else.

Reply to cybershrink

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