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Question
Posted by: Paige | 2012-05-21

Contact or not?

I have a male friend who lives abroad and some time ago our friendship ended on a somewhat sour note. Things were said and he told me never to bother him again. I miss him a lot and would like to at least know that he is doing well, but I am afraid to contact him as I don''t know how he will react. Should I just leave him alone and allow myself to get over him and our friendship or set my mind at ease and contact him just to enquire about his wellbeing? I was very fond of him and was very sad when our friendship went bad, but he is very stubborn and can be really mean when he wants to be.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe leave well alone ? If he had changed his mind, and wanted to make contact with you, he has been free to do so. And if he is as stubborn as you remember, he's not likely to have changed his mind, or to do so in the future. There's not much to gain by aproaching him now, and maybe more of a possibility of encountering further hurt.
More important is the need for you personally to get over this, to be more free to find and enjoy other, less fraught relationships, rather than sitting wondering what might have been. What might have been is superceded by what was.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-21

Maybe leave well alone ? If he had changed his mind, and wanted to make contact with you, he has been free to do so. And if he is as stubborn as you remember, he's not likely to have changed his mind, or to do so in the future. There's not much to gain by aproaching him now, and maybe more of a possibility of encountering further hurt.
More important is the need for you personally to get over this, to be more free to find and enjoy other, less fraught relationships, rather than sitting wondering what might have been. What might have been is superceded by what was.

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