Posted by: James | 2012-02-10

Consumed by irrational jealousy

Hi Dr.

I am a 33 years old male and have a very peculiar problem. I have been married for 10 years now and overall my marriage is truly wonderful. We have good open communication, we trust each other and our love life is great. However recently I have developed this irrational jealousy over my wife''s past which I struggle to control. She was the first person I ever slept with but she slept with 5 people (3 were steady boyfriends) before we got involved. I always knew this and it never bothered me but then one day out of the blue I started picturing her with these ex flames and I cannot seem to shake the image of her with other guys out of my head and it drives me wild with jealousy. I have tactfully spoken to her about this and she has reaffirmed her love from me and I do realise that this is my problem and not hers. It just baffles me that after 12 years of being together that jealousy would now only raise its ugly head with such vehemence. I would not allow my jealousy to destroy my marriage. Why do I feel this way and how can I go back to being the forgiving, understanding and rational person I used to be?

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like you're spoiling a great marriage by irrational and unreasnable concerns. Her social life before she me and commited to you, i hardly your bisnes, and your life together over 10 years is proof of her love and the capacity of your relationship. Its not up to you to "forgive her" for her history, or for her to forgive you for yours.
What has changed lies within you, and some sense of insecurity, which you need to deal with within personal counselling.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2012-02-10

u want to go back to being forgiving?
why does she need your forgiveness for having a sex life before she met and committed 2 u?

Reply to ?

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