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Question
Posted by: foolish | 2012/04/04

consequences

HI. I slept with my ex, and I think he regrets it. before today it was all I still love you and the future this and change that and etc etc you know the long soppy story. so we hooked up today and after we had sex it was fine but then we started chatting and he says we shouldn''t have done it. I think he regrets it ... we spoke on and I asked if he''s over his ex (the girl he was dating after me) he says he thinks so, but it looked more like a no, and he was thinking about her. I''m hurt and feel used. I have tried for 4 years to get over him. today I broke everything I worked so hard for and I''m heartbroken, I''m very sensitive I can''t just sleep with anybody and I still love him, what I don''t know is if I should give him time to think about what he wants or should I just ask him the questions and tell him how I feel and then what would the right questions be? I don''t feel too good right now ...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As you well know, sex and love are significantly different things, and the one often confuses us about the other. As you were presumably willing but not forced at gunpoint into this sexual encounter with your ex,why do you feel entitled to feel used, and not user ? Were you expecting this to be the start of a full-on romentic revivial, such that you feel cheated because it hasn't proved to be that ? You say you still love him, so I'd guess you were expecting to discover that he still loved you, and feel very disappointed to find this may not be so ?
Leave him be. If he should offer a more romantic re-bound, think about that possibility seriously but not thoughlessly. If he doesn't, move on.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2012/04/06

When it comes to initiating sex under your circumstances the men rather than the woman are the initiators. I know you were a willing partner, but I sense you would have never made the first move towards a sexual encounter, so do not feel bad about yourself. Of course you did break the " Golden Rule" ,i.e. no physical contact, EVER between ex''s. Men do not attach emotion to sex with the same intensity as women, so for him it was just a question of " getting a bit"  and maybe a touch pf power play on his behalf, showing you who is the boss. If it is at all possible, cut him out your life and if you have to have anything to do with him, do it in a public place.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/06

As you well know, sex and love are significantly different things, and the one often confuses us about the other. As you were presumably willing but not forced at gunpoint into this sexual encounter with your ex,why do you feel entitled to feel used, and not user ? Were you expecting this to be the start of a full-on romentic revivial, such that you feel cheated because it hasn't proved to be that ? You say you still love him, so I'd guess you were expecting to discover that he still loved you, and feel very disappointed to find this may not be so ?
Leave him be. If he should offer a more romantic re-bound, think about that possibility seriously but not thoughlessly. If he doesn't, move on.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Anon | 2012/04/04

From the sounds of things you didn''t know that things would turn out the way they did, don''t feel too bad about it, you are not the first person to make a hasty decision when love is involved. At the very least, as a human being, you are capable of learning from your mistakes, so view this as a learning experience and don''t bump your head a 2nd time for the same reason in the future.

I would move on, with or without the ex in the picture this guy seems confused about what he wants, not good partner material.
And while he tries to figures out what he wants? What about you, and your feelings?

Someone should really, truly want to be with you and only you. Anything less than that is not worth your time. There should be no doubts about it in his mind or wondering about his ex and giving him time to figure it out sounds silly to me, don''t you think you deserve beter?

“ Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” 
& #8213  Maya Angelou

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