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Question
Posted by: Lily | 2010-11-29

Confused wife

My husband is on daily treatment for diabetes, high blood pressure and depression. We have been married a week and in the process of setting up a business together. My husband had a previous 14 year marriage and thereafter a serious of short relationships mostly with women he met online and who were usually from other countries. All first meetings were with them coming to visit him. I recently discovered an email sent him by an ex to which he replied telling her he still cared for her. A couple of days after our wedding, another email from a woman who was declining a dinner invitation he sent her and who also went on to tell him she ''was not ready for a relationship'' with him and that he should ''first find himself''. After I confronted him he broke down in tears and became hysterical pleading for me not to divorce him and his ''life will end if I leave''. I dont understand this behaviour and unsure about what I can do to help him. Is my husband perhaps suffering from some sort of emotional need for affirmation? I feel I am losing my mind!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I doubt whether he understands his behaviour, either. Insist that he start mariage cousnelling, with you, as soon as possible, because he is way old enough and experienced enough to know how appropriate these cotnacts with other women are at ANY stage in a marriage, let alone within the first week !
And maybe he needs to consult a psychiatrist ( if he is being presently managed by a GP ) as balancing medications for diabetes, depression and hyoertension can be a tricky and complex matter

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Lily | 2010-11-30

Thank you all for your views. I have had to remind myself that I am in this marriage ''for better or worse''. Ground rules are in order as well as counselling! I owe my marriage a chance before giving it up.

Reply to Lily
Posted by: XXX | 2010-11-30

One week after marriage,crickey you better lay down some ground rules very quickly !

Reply to XXX
Posted by: lizard | 2010-11-30

he''s manipulating you with his tears watch out, I mean what a lot of bullshit, he''s not retatded is he, surely to God he cannot say he does not understand that when you get married you dont do stuff like that, dump the bastrad and get a divorce immediately, he''s allready started to make you feel nuts, that will just get worse, and that is exactly what he wants , because the more nuts and off balanced you feel the more he can manipulate you, a leopard does''nt chnage his spots and God only knows what else he''s up to, I would RUN as fast away from this person as soon as possible, he sounds predatory as well, so you better leave before something realy horrible happens

Reply to lizard
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-30

I doubt whether he understands his behaviour, either. Insist that he start mariage cousnelling, with you, as soon as possible, because he is way old enough and experienced enough to know how appropriate these cotnacts with other women are at ANY stage in a marriage, let alone within the first week !
And maybe he needs to consult a psychiatrist ( if he is being presently managed by a GP ) as balancing medications for diabetes, depression and hyoertension can be a tricky and complex matter

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2010-11-29

Marriage therapy, as soon as possible. Did you not suspect any of this before you got married?

Reply to Maria

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