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Question
Posted by: Just me | 2011/08/30

Confused to the max!

I am engaged to a wonderful man. The only problem is that he looks for attention from other woman which has caused a bit of problems in our relationship. I feel very betrayed and to me this is a form of being unfaithful. Am I wrong in saying that or feeling that way? Anyway, the thing is that I now do not trust him at all and this is causing some problems as well. I just don''t know how to trust him though! I feel the need to constantly check up on him which really doesn''t satisfy me as I know that things can be deleted and hidden really fast. I want to trust him and I most certainly do not want to feel this way anymore, but I just don''t know how. I am depressed all the time and small things will trigger my mind going into overdrive and I think it is bordering on being obsessive over it. There was this thing with a girl he works with where nothing really happened except flirting but to me no flirting is harmless. and it never just stays with flirting. Now I wonder all the time and I cringe whenever he says her name. I hate this woman even though I have never met her!
How do I get out of this rut or how do I just switch myself off to not care? Am I a psycho or obsessive? Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not WRONG for you to think that or feel that way. it might be that he is not actually being as unfaithful as it feels, to you, but that's a different question. It sounds as though the relationship is going sour in several if related ways. Why not see a marriage / relationship / couples counsellor together ? Mabe a spot of personal counselling firstly for you, to look at the obsessive quality in your concerns, and you apparent low self-esteem.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/08/30

Deep down you know to marry him would be stupid,dont you?

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Anon | 2011/08/30

Whatever you do, do not marry him while things are like this. Has he stopped the attention seeking or is that still carrying on?

I agree completely that, while, at first flirting may seem harmless, before you know it, it is an emotional affair, and shortly after that, they are having an affair. He should always behave as if you were right there with him. That is honourable and the way a person worthy or your trust will behave.

Have you asked him why he needs this extra attention? Maybe you could lavish him with extra attention, so that he does not need to go looking for it elsewhere.

I myself am a person that needs constant reassurance that I am worthy. It''s hard to say, but its true. The minute I dont feel worthy needed or cherished, I look for attention. I have learned to channel this by doing positive things through therapy, but, I wonder if this is not maybe how your fiance is feeling?

I wish you all the best, and hope things work out. Just be careful, because, not to be negative, but, it may be that he needs a lot of attention, but it may also be that one woman is never enough, and he needs variety - which is going to leave your heart broken.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/30

Its not WRONG for you to think that or feel that way. it might be that he is not actually being as unfaithful as it feels, to you, but that's a different question. It sounds as though the relationship is going sour in several if related ways. Why not see a marriage / relationship / couples counsellor together ? Mabe a spot of personal counselling firstly for you, to look at the obsessive quality in your concerns, and you apparent low self-esteem.

Reply to cybershrink

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