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Question
Posted by: wakele | 2008-12-11

confused sexual identity (worried)

I' m a heterosexual man in mid 30s and in a long term heterosexual relationship with my girl of 10 years. I' m a father of 2. I' m never attracted to men at all, but have always had issues with my buttocks. They are big and looks like a lady' s from behind. I have secretly been masturbating, playing with my butts. 5 years ago I called a gay man (top), who advertised his number secretly somewhere. We had backstreet anal sex. We did this only 3 times in about 5 years time. I' m still in a loving relationship with my girlfriend. We enjoy good sex and she doesn' t suspect a thing. I have stopped seeing this guy, maybe it' s now a year, but deep down I think about organizing a get together secretly. I want to stop this completely. Please help! Am I gay, bi or straight?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There are some men who identify as heterosexual and who also have sex with men - whilst some might describe this as 'bi'. Whilst some may define sexual orientation in terms of the gender you are sexually attracted to, others may define it more in terms of the gender of person you wish to be in a relationship (including sexual) with... I would encourage you to explore your sexuality verbally, ideally with an objective non-judgemental person (e.g. therapist, counsellor, trusted unbiased friend). For example, is it the idea of being anally penetrated by a man that excites you, or just the idea of being anally penetrated? Do you feel comfortable with your gender identity? Additionally, whilst in your current relationship,I would encourage you to abstain from acting on your fantasy as such a betrayal not only has psychological consequences for your girlfriend should she find out, but also presents significant health risks should safe sex methods not be used or fail for some reason.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: wakele | 2008-12-12

I think what I fantasizes is the idea of being anally penetrated, not necessarily by a man, because sometimes I uses fingers or small objects to penetrate my behinds or sometimes just lock myself up in a room (secretly) and then play with my butts while looking in a mirror, till I cum. Then I start to feel guilty thereafter. I sometimes pray to God to help me not to have this urge of being anally penetrated, but sometimes the urge is so much to resist and then I end up fingering myself in the toilets etc. I really want to stop this nonsense completely altogether. Is it maybe the attraction that I have for my body or what? Can one be attracted to him/her self, is this normal? In this case I' m attracted to my own butts, maybe it' s a hormonal deviation. I' m not attracted to men at all. I have a normal friendship with all my friends without anyone suspecting anything.......... what' s this?

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