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Question
Posted by: Linds | 2010-10-19

CONFUSED RELATIONSHIP

I have been dating the father of my child for 8yeas and only found out recently that he beeing cheating with this girl for 5 years, He confessed recently because he says he is tired of leaving a lie of double life. He claims that he has been treating me bad and ignoring me as his girlfriend for the past years. he now want me to forgive him for what he has done and move on. Yes we love each other but I dont feel the spark anymore in our relationship, can this spark be brought back to life again should i decide to forgive him and heal???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It took him 5 YEARS to decide he was tired of living a double life of lies ??? And NOW he wants you to forgive him ? Sounds as though the other girlfriend has perhaps found out about you, and is dumping him, so he wants to try to make sure he keeps you. Its hardly surprising that you no longer "feel the spark" in the relationship, as he's been so busy lighting fires somewhere else.
Why should you forgive him ? Can you really be sure he will change ? He says so, but then he promised to be faithful to you before, and cheated you for 5 years. Talk is cheap.
You can heal without forgiving him, and you can certainly "forgive him" and not heal. How can you be sure he won't do this again ? Or that he won't return to the other woman if she decides she wants him ?
Take your time ( HE did ! ) and think through what's best for you and your child, perhaps with the assistance of a counsellor.
Even if you decide to separate from him, he would still have to provide maintenance for the child, and could still have contact and spend time with the child. IS this relationship, were it to continue, really of benefit to you and the child ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-10-20

Luckily you''re not married, so no paperwork for you!

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: unique | 2010-10-20

if he is tired of a double life why did he only apologise when he got caught!. If he is really tire we would be talking about him suddenly confessing/stopping not a confession after being caught anyway.

Reply to unique
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-10-19

It took him 5 YEARS to decide he was tired of living a double life of lies ??? And NOW he wants you to forgive him ? Sounds as though the other girlfriend has perhaps found out about you, and is dumping him, so he wants to try to make sure he keeps you. Its hardly surprising that you no longer "feel the spark" in the relationship, as he's been so busy lighting fires somewhere else.
Why should you forgive him ? Can you really be sure he will change ? He says so, but then he promised to be faithful to you before, and cheated you for 5 years. Talk is cheap.
You can heal without forgiving him, and you can certainly "forgive him" and not heal. How can you be sure he won't do this again ? Or that he won't return to the other woman if she decides she wants him ?
Take your time ( HE did ! ) and think through what's best for you and your child, perhaps with the assistance of a counsellor.
Even if you decide to separate from him, he would still have to provide maintenance for the child, and could still have contact and spend time with the child. IS this relationship, were it to continue, really of benefit to you and the child ?

Reply to cybershrink

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