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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2012-11-15

Confused please help

Confused

Please help, my husband struggled to get a job in jhb. He was offered work in cape town project only. After 3 months they offered him a permanent position and he''s been living in ct and i a, living in jhb in our own house. We have 2 adult kids and 1 still living with us. My son lives in kzn and told me recently he will be moving back to jhb in the new year. When husband received job offer in ct i was really keen to live their. I am still keen and love CT. But reality to me i have a great paying job and been with company for 14 years and now a snr manager in the business. When we talked about living their i was so eager but now i dont think it would ve the right thing to do. I have a very secure job, good salary and also love what i am doing. I can get a transfer but not for same job but for same salary. The job would be lower scale. I just think we have 10 + yrs. and our bond will be paid up. Both our kids and our grand daughter will all be in jhb again in january. He loves ct and the slower pace of life and feel that both of us reached our peak and now just have to work until u retire. He is 50 i am 44 weve been married for 25 yrs. I get the feeling he wants to become old and i dont want too I am still relatively young enough to still build on my career. We do miss each other and we see each other every 2nd week. I don''t share the passion anymore and i dont want to live in place so far that i don''t have any guarantee that i will see my kids often. Dont get me wrong ct great and i will love it. My heart says give up the stress and kick tour feet up enjoy ct live. But my head says no way u need to ensure u have your secure job and income.

So he loves CT and feel that i must move their with him but the risk to big and not seeing my kids would kill me, if i have to choose i only choose my kids.

No guarantee that he will find a job in jhb if he returns and i do think he will blame me for forcing him in a wAy to come back to jhb. The worst is he says we reached our peak...... To me my peak not even close. I know if he does not have a job it will damage. Is self image.

I just dont know anymore!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No doubt this is a real dilemma, and the main issue needs to be what suits you and your husband best. The adult kids should look after themselves - you shouldnt keel you have to stay in Jhb just because a son in KZN would not like to move back to Jhbg and assumes he can do so and live with you. He could have different plans.
YOu say you could transfer within your company, to CT, at the same salary - even if it isn't the same level of seniority couldn't you then be available for later openings at more senior levels when you're in CT ? If the company is being kind enough to maintain your salary while using you at a lower level, they'd surely be highly motivated to move you to a more senior position as soon as one opened up, so as to better get their money's worth ?
CT is a lovely place to live and work, and subsiding into early old age is surely not a requirement ! That would be up to you.
WHy are you assuming you somehow wouldn't see your kids again ? Wouldn't they find ways to come, and find CT much more fun that Jhb ?
And why are you in danger of assuming that you can only reach new peaks if you stay in the same place in Jhbg and couldn't do so in CT ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Tim | 2012-11-17

life is short, go with the flow, go to CT. Look out for better work prospects when there and establish your sense of job security and prestige again. Discuss with hubby your energy and drive and that you are not ready to retire yet and let him support you in your career aspirations.

Reply to Tim
Posted by: Me | 2012-11-16

Lady...you''re not confused. I think from your posting it''s all VERY clear. Wonder if your husband knows what you think of him......?? I feel rather sorry for you...... you''re extremely selfish!
I recall something called wedding vows.... hmmmmm

Reply to Me
Posted by: two-stone | 2012-11-16

I think you should move for the same salary lower position job. You have 25 years invested with your husband and being together is what marriage is about. He will get old VERY quickly if he does not have a job, that I can guarantee!! Or do you actually want out of the marriage to live a " new, exciting"  life, but are just too scared to admit it?? That is what I am reading between the lines..............
In a way I feel sorry for him....

Reply to two-stone

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