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Question
Posted by: Shana | 2008/06/05

Confused / Insecure

I doc. I have the most supportive and loving husband ever and I love him to death. On Friday while waiting to go to the gynae we both were stressed I sms'ed him a few times just for comfort since we had suffered 3 miscarriages already. After the 4th sms he just sms back and told me other guys were reprimanded about being on Mxit while working. Since I don't bother him everday like this it did upset me. While then I know this is not right I access his private email and show he was emailling a girl which was in his tech class. (He studies part -time) For that friday they have emailed 1 liner texted 16 times. Although the conversation were innocent I was now REALLY upset since he told me after 4sms about the other guys that was reprimanded. On Saturday I asked him whether he has contact with girls from tech and whether he mail them. He said he mails them off an on BUT he did not mail them on friday. After I really confronted him he admitted that he mailed but he said because he know I will blow things out of porportion he rather lie to me than telling me the truth. Saturday night I told him lying makes it WORST and it is upsetting me more. He just said it was innocent chatting to insignificant people. While he told he then I'm uncomfortable and that he must stop emailing them or phoning then. BUT know contratry to my personality I go and check every 10minutes on his mail whether he mailed the girl. How do I overcome this feeling of that insecurity??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he mailed them about the course, r homework, that'd be understandable, but for anything else it'd be rather dubious. OK, he's apparently broken off that correspondence. Work may well, reasonably weant to limit private email,SMS and Mxit, but would surely understand if a man's wife was sich and visiting the doctor.
But you're right, it does also sound as though you may be relatively lacking in self-esteem, and what might be worth working on. Maybe a spot of marriage counselling ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Shana | 2008/06/05

Thanks Missouri . That is exactly what I told him. It starts with telling each other insignificant things but it is just a breeding ground for trouble.

Reply to Shana
Posted by: Missouri | 2008/06/05

You husband should not be mailing or texting other women! This is where problems start, you did the right thing confronting him - when he is less upset sit down and talk to him and tell him how you felt when you found out about the mailing/texting. Since he has broken all contact with the tech buddy makes me think that he did listen to your argument and is trying to set things straight. perhaps a couple of sessions with a counsellor will help.

Reply to Missouri
Posted by: Shana | 2008/06/05

Forget to say. Now my husband is saying that I don't trust him. He never gave me a reason NOT to trust him. I told him my personal opnion is I don't think it is appropriate to email insignificant people so much. And I think is it looking for trouble to begin a friendship between people of the opposite sex. But after our conversation on Saturday night my husband is refusing to discuss the matter again. He did break all communication with the tech buddy.

Reply to Shana

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