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Question
Posted by: Danny | 2010/07/19

Confused? Doubt?

Hi Doc,

My fiance and I have been dating for 8 years. We are set to get married this year and most of the planning has been done for it. This weekend she suddenly woke up and said she needed time to think. She basically got out of the house fast and it felt like she could not get away from me faster. She went to a friend for 4 hours while I stayed at home waiting for her. When she came back, she said she has made a decision, but would like to monitor the relationship for a while. I must admit, we fight regularly about stupid things but apart from that we are great. This morning she told me the wedding is still on and she is fine. Is it pre-wedding jitters or is there something deeper? I cannot go through what I went through this weekend. I quit smoking 2 years ago and smoked a whole packet in those 4 hours! :( She loves me and I love her. We live together, we share our finances and we basically have a life together. Complete with dog and white picket fences, but I cannot help but feel she wants out and to be free again... Please help me understand!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its impossible to tell, from a distance, whether this is just ordinary pre-wedding jitters or whether it reflects deeper concerns. Couples counselling would be a VERY good idea, well before any wedding.
Your personal systems were stable and satisfactory for 8 years. Even if marriage has always seemed the natural destination and a desirable move, it may change the stability, and maybe she feels there could be unknown dimensions she doesn't altogether understand.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/19

Its impossible to tell, from a distance, whether this is just ordinary pre-wedding jitters or whether it reflects deeper concerns. Couples counselling would be a VERY good idea, well before any wedding.
Your personal systems were stable and satisfactory for 8 years. Even if marriage has always seemed the natural destination and a desirable move, it may change the stability, and maybe she feels there could be unknown dimensions she doesn't altogether understand.

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