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Question
Posted by: Hans the general | 2011-10-22

confused by breakup, can anyone explain this please?...

..ok, she calls you a liar and a cheat (not the first time) when the long time periods apart which is probably causing all the doubts, was her choice to begin with, but because its time for her work/studies you are ok with it and respect it even though you dont like it...
so after being apart for a few days with no contact as usual except for online chat, she starts bringing up old issues that were buried and she calls it off with you...she then ignores all your attempts to contact her, saying she never got the sms''s and offline messages left (yet the chat software allowed me to see that she was online and could well have seen my messages, but i never told her i saw that) but then days later, she''s ready to hear you out and if you cant jump to it immediately then she believes that she was right all along...hows that???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Relationships are hard work even when you are together and have loads of time to work on them. Distance or time constraints inevitably make them more difficult. Either end the relationship and move on, or both of you need to take it seriously and work on it together, face to face, maybe with the assistance of a counsellor, and not via chat software, SMS etc.
If she blows hot and cold like this, then probably she doesn' know what she wants and is just stringing you along.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Hans the general | 2011-10-24

thanks Cybershrink and readers for your comments...she called me up the day after we last spoke telling me she misses me and bla bla bla...for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation, remember that its easy to throw a relationship away when you have a hectic schedule and too busy to even think about personal connections like a bf/gf, friends, family, etc. but when the dust settles and you have finally some free time, those peaceful moments you were always waiting and wishing for, are gonna be very lonely!...

Reply to Hans the general
Posted by: Caro | 2011-10-24

Oh sorry - no it''s not you. I never called you a liar or a cheat. I do wonder sometimes though. I just need you to tell me that it isn''t so.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Caro | 2011-10-24

It is often just so difficult to juggle studies, work and love. We need to get on with other things but feel insecure when we cannot assign enough time to our relationship. I''m exactly the same way. Are you my love by any chance? I am really confused but I think I do love you. I just need the assurance that you''re there when I''m busy. Please be patient. Even if you''re not the guy I''m involved with, if you love her, be patient. I apologise on behalf of her and me when we''re being so silly and insecure.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-23

Relationships are hard work even when you are together and have loads of time to work on them. Distance or time constraints inevitably make them more difficult. Either end the relationship and move on, or both of you need to take it seriously and work on it together, face to face, maybe with the assistance of a counsellor, and not via chat software, SMS etc.
If she blows hot and cold like this, then probably she doesn' know what she wants and is just stringing you along.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: :) | 2011-10-23

She is more confused than you are, I guarantee you! She doesnt know what she wants and she is taking her insecurities out on you! Its not fair to you and if she isnt willing to try work through the issues then its not worth it to you. You being dumped, ignored basically kicked around by a girl who doesnt appreciate that you respecting her wishes well, you deserve better...:)

Reply to :)

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