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Question
Posted by: Megan | 2010/07/19

Confused- Boyfriend and Baby

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 8 years- he''s 28 and I''m 24 years old. We live together, we have shared expenses, we have fun together and overall we have a very good relationship.I know he doesn''t get married (although I''m dying to) and kids has always been a big fat NO...... Or so I thought. On Saturday he went out and when he came back he says he''s been thinking about out relationship and he wants a kid, a little boy and that he''s been thinking about it for a year already. Now we''ve joked around before about what our kid would be like but I thought it was just joking around- nothing serious. So we had a big heart to heart about it (because I''m not ready for one, I want to be married first and quite frankly we can''t afford it). But it made me happy that he wanted something so serious with me. The on Sunday morning he told me to forget what he said, he was drunk, he doesn''t want a child, etc. We got ready to go to the shops and then he asked me (just out of the blue) what would we name our son. Then at the shops he saw a kid drop some chips and he said again that no, he doesn''t want kids, that''s it, they''re messy, etc. I asked him last night to be serious with me about the kid thing and he said he does not want them. I don''t know what to do now- I don''t believe that he doesn''t want kids but at the same time I''m glad that he''s saying that because at this stage in my life I don''t want one. He''s not really one to open up and talk (unless it''s with the help of alochol) and I''m confused now. Shoudl I try talk to him about it again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's entirely reasonable ( and most of the burden would be on you ) for you to want to be married before bearing his child, and to be sure you can financially support a child, together. What you describe may be a guy who used to be sure he didn't want kids, now looking at the idea from different angles, and unsure of whether he does or not.
There may be no benefit to pursuing the idea right now, but at least now it's on the agenda. Sounds like he's moved from Absolutely Not, to Maybe.
Truth may be spoken when drunk, especially by someone who tries not to talk of important matters when sober.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Shady | 2010/07/19

He wants them. He is a typical man who finds it difficult to open up thats why he can say it when his drunk. We say things we wanted to always say when we''re tipsy, even if it''s a negetive thing. Don''t rush him.

Reply to Shady
Posted by: XXX | 2010/07/19

I would suggest that he does want a child but he is just not quite ready yet,same as you.
I wouldn''t push the issue at the moment.If he brings it up then have a serious heart to heart chat.
I also agree that you should get married first,it will show commitment on both sides.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/19

It's entirely reasonable ( and most of the burden would be on you ) for you to want to be married before bearing his child, and to be sure you can financially support a child, together. What you describe may be a guy who used to be sure he didn't want kids, now looking at the idea from different angles, and unsure of whether he does or not.
There may be no benefit to pursuing the idea right now, but at least now it's on the agenda. Sounds like he's moved from Absolutely Not, to Maybe.
Truth may be spoken when drunk, especially by someone who tries not to talk of important matters when sober.

Reply to cybershrink

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